Mean Spirited Sal

Most gals'll try to help you
When you are on the lam
A big ole pot of coffee
And a jumbo tin of Spam
But not old Sal, she's a mean old gal
Meaner than any man
And every time I'm with her
I don't know who I am

Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
She's mean

She'll give you a jug of whiskey
When you're on the cleanse
She'll do the damnedest things
And never make amends
When you come to her apartment
She'll act like you are friends
But have no doubt, she'll stomp you out
When her passion ends

Some gals like a ball peen hammer
But Sal prefers a sledge
She broke down the bathroom door
And forced me on the ledge
She took that thing and hit me
Right across the head
I may a still a been breathin'
But I looked like I was dead

Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Oh man, she's mean

I s'pose that I am lucky
The way she put me down
She chased her last fella with a rusty razor
All over town
You may start out smiling
But soon you'll wear a frown
Next stop the undertaker
Then six feet underground

Sal once put a horseshoe
Inside a boxing glove
And stromed on down to Broadway
To find a man to love
Found him in church house
Singin' like a dove
Now he's a statistic
With the Lord above

Heard there was this fella
Got off her bedroom floor
He'd been tore up pretty good
I tell you he was sore
Sal was out of band-aids
So he gimped down to the store
Saw her buyin' codeine
She whipped him some more

Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal

One time in Puerto Rico
On a fishing trip
Sal could no catch nothin'
She was about to flip
She stormed back to the resort
And really lost her grip
Came back with a shotgun
And killed three-dozen fish

Some folks need a face lift
A little nip and tuck
Others don't need nothin'
But they got all the luck
One such good lookin' fella
Looked like he hit a truck
When Sal got disappointed
He couldn't give her a second... (Hush your mouth!)

Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Damn, she's mean

Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal
Mean spirited Sal