The Nervous Wreck Of Edna Fitzgerald

We sailed away from Huntington Bay
and the waters were calm as could be-oh
On our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her
'twas just the family and me-oh
And my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat
using words like ahoy there and- crap like that
So we took the kid and Cleo our cat
and set outt o conquer the sea-oh
Everyone loved it but Clee-oh
And it's yo ho over the seas
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Perrier please
This is the life for me
The tranquility three miles out to sea
suddenly came to an end-oh
when the kid started saying "No way am I staying
I'd rather be playing Nintendo-oh"
And the captain cried "Ho there, you little snot,
I paid fifty grand for this family yacht
You're going to enjoy yourself, like it or not
so you'd better learn how to pretend-oh"
(We all caught the man's innuendo-oh)
And it's yo ho over the seas
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Dramamine please
This is the life for me
My husband the captain was checking the charts
while the cruiser was burning up fu-el
And the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks
he called it a project for school-el
I reached down to pull the cat in by the tail
when I smelled what I held my complexion went pale
That's when I lost my lunch over the rail
The kid thought the whole thing was coo-el
Mama was not feeling too-well
And it's yo ho over the seas
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of Valium please
Is this the life for me?
We ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon
and the clouds were moving in fast-er
And the captain did say, "There's no more Perrier"
which made it a total disast-er.
With hardly a warning it started to pour
and we drifted 'til we reached the New Jersey shore
(never thought I'd be glad to see Jersey before)
We started drifting in fast-er,
tried to steer the ship, but we crashed her
No more yo ho over the seas
The salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
Pass me a bottle of cyanide please
This is no life for me.
I'm back in my condo, the cruiser's a wreck
My husband is spending the insurance check
On something for dry land or I'll break his neck
'Cause this is the life for me
Yo ho