The Worst Pirate Song

If you're a pirate I don't believe it
I don't believe that you are capable of such deeds
If you're a pirate let's see your wallet
and we will see if you are licensed for the seas
Are you capable of swinging from the riggings of a ship
Or wearing a black do-rag when it really ain't that hip
I don't think so,
I don't think so, at all

CHORUS:
So where's your eye patch
Where's your peg leg
If you're a pirate
Where's your gun
Where's your booty
Your sassy parrot
I can't picture you on a bottle of cheap rum

'Cause You're the worst pirate,
the worst pirate in the world
You're the worst pirate,
the worst pirate in the world
'Cause you're a girl

So all you females just put your swords down
I'm not a fool and I'm not amused
You've got no hook hand, no secret island
And pirates never go to the bathroom in twos
So if this isn't some sort of cheap prank
Then tell me who exactly walks your plank
Not me, not me
No, nay, never, not me

CHORUS

A pirate vessel is not a bedroom
No walk-in closet, there's no bidet

There's no pink loofah hanging in the shower and
pirates don't worry about what shoes they wear today

Because everyone knows that pirates just wear black
They raise a flag of skull and bones when they attack
Not birds and flowers, not birds and flowers, no way!

CHORUSx2