Chonny's Inferno

Here lies chonny!
You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone

Ran his showers red hot!
Never too good for a potshot
Take the long way 'round to work when the song got to the good part
He'd try to stay humble, but inevitably stumble
When the kind words rolled in and his humility crumbled
Always dwell on what hurt him, lament and reassess
Bimonthly sink; depress in senseless, excess mental abscess
Tried to fight the demons that had caused him such stress
At about thirty-five, died of, well
Take a guess

Took his golden ascension
His family and friends incensed with fear and tension
Beyond their comprehension
Catch ya later! I'm off to see the man upstairs
Let's hope he ain't been paying too much attention

There was an angel at the entrance, checking off a guest list
Chonny wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit
But let's be frank
We did expect this

Excuse me, sir! There must be something I could do ya for
Perhaps a favour - or a fiver - might open up those pearly doors
I'm awfully hard-working! There's something I could do, I'm sure
Pleading with the angels while they pushed him through the door

I said excuse me, sir! There must be something I could do ya for
Perhaps a favour - or a fiver! - might open up those pearly doors
I'm awfully hard-working! There's something I could do, I'm sure
Pleading with the angels while they pushed him through the door

All hope abandon, ye who enter in!
Oh! Don't mind the sign, my friend, its threat is weak and thin
We really only have it there to keep those squares upstairs at bay
We just started a hand of poker, you wanna play?

Uh-ha! Oh, right
You thought we'd have some chained up whores, tangled
Hanged up by extension cords?
A hellfire spit-roast main course, with a side of fried landlords?
Well, sorry for the fright, but you can't believe all you read in the paper
That hit piece you call the bible was written by the world's greatest hater
(The world is run by evil people)

And yes, of course, the devil's wrought true wrath upon the wicked scourge
A murderer or rapist best beware his violent force
But here, we mostly dwell in what the fools up there expel
An awfully diverse cast of critters resides down here in hell

There was a demon cloaked in flames, putting checks on an invite list
Beside a line of names had lied a guide of signed indictments
The bright, white islands high would get the boring ones excited
But trust me, man, you wouldn't like it

So do excuse me, sir, there must be something we could do ya for
Perhaps a snack or beverage - on the house - from casa infierno
There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more
Winking at the sinner while they walked him through the door

Excuse me, sir, there must be something we could do ya for
Perhaps a snack or beverage - on the house! - from casa infierno
There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more
Winking at the sinner while they walked him through the door

You can run from your demons until you are exhausted
One day, you will have to stop and find out what they wanted
Keep running from your demons, till you are exhausted
You can run to those angels until you are exhausted
One day, you will have to stop and question what they wanted
Keep running to those angels, till you are exhausted

So do excuse me, sir, there must be something we could do ya for
(I don't want to die) (shut up, you're stupid, just kiss me)
Perhaps a snack or beverage - on the house - from casa infierno
(At war with every species, from dinosaur to seaweed)
There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more
(Please don't let me die) (shut up, you're stupid, just hold my friggin' hand)
Winking at the sinner while they walked him through the door
(There will be no romance)

Excuse me, sir, there must be something we could do ya for
(I don't want to die) (shut up, you're stupid, just kiss me)
Perhaps a snack or beverage - on the house! - from casa infierno
(At war with every species, veni, vidi, vici)
There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more
(Please don't let me die) (shut up, you're stupid, just be my friggin' man)
Winking at the sinner while they walked him through the door