Lay Awake

I thought of going back to Jesus
I thought of throwing life away
I thought of every possible outcome
It all felt the same

Inner searches going nowhere
Habit pushing me to pray
Tell me a way to get out and to still be saved

I threw my phone across the kitchen
Bits of glass underneath the table
I know how it hurts to pretend that you're still stable

'Cause I've been scared and I've been angry
And I've been used the wrong way
And you are not alone when you lay awake

I thought of going back to college
Only in fits of fear and rage
A feeble attempt to fit in with the people my age

I thought I had it figured out
I thought I had the guts to let this go
The past few years have disagreed
You've been planting all these seeds in me
And they're starting to grow into something that I can't hold back anymore
For a second it was simple
I could take it, I was sure

But I've been scared and I've been angry
And I've been used the wrong way
But you are not alone when you lay awake