Plea

Home isn’t here I'm home when I'm far gone

Drop a little pill now I can see
Now I can breathe
Locked outside sobriety
I don’t leave my hand to find the key
I let the pride disguise the plea
I don’t want it enough to be fine and free
I push friends away and pull feelings deep
And just listen to my wine confide in me
Parachute a pinch of ivory
In a sky of glee

Scared of what my mother might think of her son dosing so violently
But it’s better than dying and unsurprising
I’ve never had eyes that focus fine
Never been quite right
This my tithe for the hell riding inside of me
Disconnected I cannot sleep, can’t locate peace
Anxiety still reigns supreme
It’s not up to me that I can’t breathe
And the planet spins incessantly
So I act okay and it’s testing me
No father figure to lecture me
Sorry that I took too much ecstasy

In the depths I can’t even speak
I can't be reached
Bottling in, it makes too much sense
I’ve hurt good friends when the damage
When the barriers breached and they completely
My failings freaky, falling freely
Flaying loved ones with
At this point no one notices when I'm tipsy

I let her in and I became a leech
That slope too steep
I let myself graze grace
And hear my thirst for self worth groan and creak
Obsess over her opinion of me
I don't like to care, I don't like to need
I don't respond to her for an entire week
Just to see if that might make her leave [leave, leave
Validation’s all I really seek
I just hate saying please
This sense of self fucking obsolete
I don't fuck with myself so I must compete
If I get everybody else to begin to agree
Then maybe I’ll too start to believe
I plant the seeds, then I dig ‘em right out
And sit in silence and uncertainty