Patterns

Patterns in my life that I trace every day
Patterns as I say the things I always say
Patterns in the ceiling as I lie awake
Why are patterns haunting every move I make?

Just look, here I am on cue, again
Upset, feeling torn in two, again
Afraid, saying I'm okay
Making little jokes
Till I run away, again

And yet today I am not the same
I feel my life slipping from its frame
Strange feelings rise, feelings with no name
And I can't face them
So I shake them hard
Fold them up
And tuck them safely away
Again

Patterns that begin as I walk through a door
Patterns in the curtains and the kitchen floor
Patterns in the day's routines I must arrange
Patterns in the ways I try...but never change

Just look, as I'm thrown a curve again
I leap, then I lose my nerve again
In tears, running home I go
Secretly relieved
Safe with what I know, again

And yet I know I am not the same
Inside my heart is something I can't tame
I feel my mind bursting into flame
And I must change
Or else I'll break apart
Or break away
And end up having to start
Again

Patterns through the day
I seem to use to give my life a shape
Patterns through the house
That give me comfort
When I need escape
Patterns that lead me nowhere
At all.