All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards

Well, I guess I really oughta be makin' up songs but
All I wanna do is play cards
I know it's dumb and sick and wrong but
All I wanna do is play cards
Got the studio booked in Tennessee
And my record producer's callin' me
The tape will roll in just three weeks and
All I wanna do is play cards

They wanna book the band for a rodeo dance and
All I wanna do is play cards
The contract claims they got five grand and
I wanna do is play cards
My agent says we oughta take the show
But tell you the truth I don't wanna go
Cuz there's this real good game of split hi-lo and
All I wanna do is play cards

Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch
Blackjack, eight or better, draw and hold em, chase the bitch
Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black Mariah
Smear and low Chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin' higher

I could skate for free in the hockey league and
All I wanna do is play cards
Tattooed young dark haired girls call me and
All I wanna do is play cards
There's famous people'd like to write with me
And the beer at the black dog's usually free
The whole damn world's an oyster to me and
All I wanna do is play cards
We're on the radio in El Paso and
All I wanna do is play cards
Finally got a little bit of press in T.O. and
All I wanna do is play cards
They're buying the records out in Amsterdam
There's rock tours booked in far off lands
But I'm feelin' kinda gambley and
All I wanna do is play cards

I don't see much of my friends these days cuz
All I wanna do is play cards
Except whitey and gravy, they like a game and
All I wanna do is play cards
My neighbor Brent says I got a problem
But he don't know cuz nobody taught him
To bet the best when you know you got 'em and
All I wanna do is play cards

Contract bridge and spades and whist and kings and little ones
Canasta, hearts and spite and malice, kings make little ones
Whores and fours and one-eyed bores, house rules that ain't acknowledged
And them games you learned at vet school and at agricultural college
Chinese rummy, Greek manila, omaha, dutch chase
Start em when they're young with fish and war and crazy eights
Twenty one and thirty one and seven twenty seven
Well if I don't play for money, hon, will I still get to heaven
Three card brag and three card monte, razz and deuce to seven
Melding sets and red dog bets and counting cards with Kevin
Between the sheets and screw your neighbor, let it ride, strip poker
Old men on the corner playing pinochle and euchre, hey