Xmas

G
There ain't nothing more depressing 
than a pine tree.

G
Gussied up with candy canes and 
balls

G
Those carolers have kept me up for 
hours

G
It's "merry Christmas!" seeping 
through my walls

G
Now I'm no Wiccan commie or nothin'

G
But there is one damn holiday I 
can't stand

G
It ain't Halloween, Thanksgiving, or
 even April Fools

G
But it'll surely make a fool out of 
every man.



Chorus 1
G
If I ain't drunk then it ain't 
Christmas

C                                 
You know where to stick those 
   G
jingle bells

D                          
If I ain't hammered it ain't 
  C
Hanukkah

G
And all you motherfuckers go to hell

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C                                
If I ain't kokeyed then it ain't 
G
Kwanzaa

C                          G
Joy to the world, Jack and Cokes

C                            
If I ain't drunk then it ain't 
          D
Christmas

C                                
Cause I ain't never anything but 
G
broke



Verse 2
G
Now every year the malls are just a 
madhouse

G
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and 
smiles

G
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me 
vomit

G
And those coloured lights are 
fucking infantile

G
I think we collectively as the 
people

G
Should rise against this corporate 
jolly noise

G
And tell the world:

G
"Let's buy some piece and quiet for 
a change"

G
Before we spend it all on fucking 
toys.

HA



Chorus 2
G
So if I ain't drunk then it ain't 
Christmas

C                                 
You know where to stick those 
   G
jingle bells

D                          
If I ain't hammered it ain't 
  C
hanukkah

C                      G
Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!

D                            C
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa

C                           G
Joy to the world of getting stoned

C                            
If I ain't drunk then it ain't 
  G
Christmas

C                                 
So leave this god damn scrooge the
      G
 fuck alone.