Xmas

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There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree.

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Gussied up with candy canes and balls

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Those carolers have kept me up for hours

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It's "merry Christmas!" seeping through my walls

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Now I'm no Wiccan commie or nothin'

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But there is one damn holiday I can't stand

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It ain't Halloween, Thanksgiving, or even April Fools

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But it'll surely make a fool out of every man.



Chorus 1
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If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

C                                    G
You know where to stick those jingle bells

D                            C
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah

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And all you motherfuckers go to hell

Continues after the ad
C                                G
If I ain't kokeyed then it ain't Kwanzaa

C                          G
Joy to the world, Jack and Cokes

C                                      D
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

C                                G
Cause I ain't never anything but broke



Verse 2
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Now every year the malls are just a madhouse

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Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles

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Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit

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And those coloured lights are fucking infantile

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I think we collectively as the people

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Should rise against this corporate jolly noise

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And tell the world:

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"Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"

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Before we spend it all on fucking toys.

HA



Chorus 2
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So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

C                                    G
You know where to stick those jingle bells

D                            C
If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah

C                      G
Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!

D                            C
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa

C                           G
Joy to the world of getting stoned

C                              G
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

C                                       G
So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.