D % Bm7 A   
D % G   A 



Verse:
D   (Dmaj7)  D
When I'm watching TV,
    Bm7             A
The girls are all I see,
        D
They're singing and dancing and acting and modelling,
G                          A
None of them would look at me.
    D 
If I went to Jessica Simpson,
      Bm7                 A 
She'd think I was an ignoramus,
    D
And if I tried to talk to Cameron Diaz,
           G                 A
She'd say "get lost boy, I'm famous!"
D
All the women 'round here,
      Bm7            A
Have BO or they have rolls,
    D
and some lucky bloke right now,
            G               A
is probably hugging Beyonce Knowles.



Pre-Chorus:
G  
If I had Jessica Alba's number,
A
I'd call her right up,
        G                  A        D
and I'd ask her what she's doing at half past three,
    G        A                Bm7
and then I'd ask her if she'd marry me,
G
If I had Jessica Alba's number,
           A
I'd be the luckiest guy in the world,
           G           A       D
I'd be the luckiest guy in the universe,
    G            A              Bm7
And then some dick would try to steal her purse,
       Gmaj7
So I'd smack him in the head with my mobile phone and I'd say,
 A
   "Hey mister, leave Jessie alone!"



Chorus:
         G        A       D
If I had Jessica Alba's number,
         G        A       Bm7 
If I had Jessica Alba's number,
         G        A       D 
If I had Jessica Alba's number,
         G        A       Bm7
If I had Jessica Alba's number,


D % Bm7 A   
D % G   A  


Verse 2:
D   (Dsus2)
Fit girls getting shot in films,
Bm7        A
I'm always into ya'z,
D
I'd like to go see Toy Story 2,
          G              A
With just me and Britney Spears,
                    D 
And then she'd say "Hit me baby one more time" and I'd say,
Bm7                       A
"No way Britney, Domestic Violence is a crime",
D
I like the one from Showgirls,
           G                    A
When she's dancing 'round those poles,
D         
Or the really, really fit one,
    Bm7                   A
Who sings in the Pussycat Dolls.

D
I've nearly got a moustache,
         B7sus4                   A      
And they still wouldnt talk to me,
D     
Kate Winslet naked in Titanic,
       G6                A
Or the lesbian from the OC.



Play Pre-Chorus
& Chorus

G~~ G Gdim A



Outro:
         G        A       D
If I had Jennifer Lopez's number,
   G      A    D
Or Kate Nash's Number,
       G               A             D
Or the girl who was in Transformers' number,
   G        A      D      C    Bm7   A7     G    Asus4 A  Cadd9   D~    
Or Jessica Alba's number...