Minecraft Rap (The Arch-illager)

Dan Bull

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    I was born into a cruel and unforgiving nasty world
    That didn't want me
    They rejected, disrespected, scorned and shunned me
    Cold and hungry, all I wanted was some company
    To be comfy but to put it bluntly, they were being
    A bunch of considerably rude neighbors so I gave up
    Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look
    The doorway yawned awake slowly, I wasn't brave normally
    But a strange force was calling me
    And so with a flaming torch in hand, I made my way forward
    Though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward
    I gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance
    I saw what lay bеfore me, it was called the Orb of Dominance
    It held sway over my thoughts, I gained confidence
    till at once the commoners, no longer had my tolerance

    I am a small Illager, the littlest around
    But now, I've got a small feeling
    I'm going to be well-endowed
    I am a small Illager, my will, it stands proud
    Growing till I fit the throne
    So hand me the crown

    Now bow down, show me the top of your head
    Hey, I said bow down! Else, I'll be dropping you dead
    I am the Arch-Illager and I will pillage your village until you
    Give in, so run, you can't win if you stand in my path
    You'll get trampled like grass
    I see you haven't any heating, I can provide that
    No need to thank me, here's a torch, completely free of charge
    I'll leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards
    Oh, I see you're planning a resistance?
    If you're going to lead the charge, be advised
    Objects in your rear view appear large
    Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions
    till my minions chased you straight away from my dominion
    So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom
    I'm your new government, coming for more than just your income
    You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers
    It's never going to bother me, my friend, so don't pretend it does

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    I'm the Arch-Illager
    Now come on down
    Down into my dungeon, have a look around
    I am the Arch-Illager
    Living in a cave and having a party
    While keeping villagers enslaved

    Now come on down, down, come on, quicker, chop-chop
    Come on down, down some hard liquor
    I am the Arch-Illager, handle my business
    Now everybody give a big hand to our visitors
    Look at you and your gang, you couldn't be more villainous
    Forcing my hand, you're going to be all prisoners
    No forgiveness, I'm sending in my skeletons in regiments
    Defending us against your weapons with a vengeance
    Repelling your torches, enemy forces, making me nauseous
    Better be cautious or you'll be left on the edge of a tall cliff
    Awkward! Better restore quick then come down into the dungeon
    Where the smell is rather pungent
    Can't tell if it's your bunions or you've been cutting some onions

    I'm the Arch-Illager
    Thank you for coming down, now make yourself comfortable
    Have a look around
    I am the Arch-Illager
    Catching you unaware, if you come in unprepared
    Here's someone you haven't met

    So glad you came down, down, summoned to my lair
    There now, what's the matter, chuck?
    You look a little scared
    I am the Arch-Illager and I warned you
    That if you didn't give up
    Then I'd have to confiscate your head

    Song details

    Composition: Dan Bull

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