E    B    C#m    B
A          B

[Verse 1]
E                 A               B                 E
I used to drive a race car, but I won every single time
E                          A         B              E     E  F#m  G#m
I once met the great Elvis Presley way back in his prime
A                         E                E         F#m       A
And the pilot had a heart attack, yeah, so I had to land the plane
A                                 B             A                B
And I once saved a little kid from drownin', and I invented cellophane

[Verse 2]
E                 A                     B                 E
I used to be a millionaire, I'd drop a thousand bucks a day
E                          A                B              E   E  F#m  G#m 
That only made me all the more lonely so I threw it all away
A                       E                        E            F#m       A
And I've lived almost everywhere, probably right in your own neighbourhood
A                  B             A                B
I once broke out of prison and I hid out in the woods

[Verse 3]
E                                A                   B                 E
It was there that I discovered a dinosaur, and I'd drive a blue Corvette
E                            A                B           E   E  F#m  G#m 
I once swam clear across Lake Erie without even getting wet
A                 E                        E        F#m    A
I'm the guy who saved the show 'cause I know how to fix a fuse
A                  B                      A                B
Are these pretzels complimentary? Well, I don't mind if I do

[Verse 4]
E                   A                      B                 E
I used to play the guitar myself 'till a press crushed my hand
E                                A              B                  E   E  F#m G#m
Have you heard of the great Otis Redding? Well, I played in his band
A                 E                 E               F#m             A
I once worked as a miner; I was an actor for a little while off in France
A                        B                A                B
And my uncle's cousin's brother taught Fred Astaire to dance

[Verse 5]
E                        A          B               E
So if you ask me how to tango I'll wear down any rug
E                                    A                     B                      E   E  F#m G#m
Cause if you've seen the way those kids all dance today I swear they're all on drugs
A                  E                 E               F#m      A
I could drink me a million drinks if a million drinks did appear
A               B         A                B
But I only got enough for one more little beer