Cornet Man

I Just Put the Kids to Sleep
And Swept the Shack,
Took My Sweet Man's Satchel Down
And Watched Him Pack,
I Said, "darlin', While the Stove Still Smolders,
Unpin Your Woman's Hair and Rub Her Shoulders."
I Threw Myself Across the Doorway
Beggin', "stay, Sweet Man, Stay,"
But There's More in My Man's Life
Than This Old Hag.
It's Jelly Roll Morton, and a Shiny Cornet,
And Jazzin' the Rag!
The Lady Ain't Been Born
Can Take the Place of a Horn,
With a Cornet Man.
A-goin' Where There's Blowin',
Trav'lin' Cornet Man.
Just Anytime They Call Him
He'll Leave His Wife and Kiddies
Sittin' With Their Tongues Out
To Play For Peanuts in a Dive
And Blow His Lungs Out.
He'll Hop a Choo-choo On a Moment's Notice
To Play Some Dates With Billy Bates
Or Rag-time Otis!
The Lady Ain't See Light
Can Give a Horn a Fair Fight
With a Cornet Man
A Rootin', Shootin', Ever-tootin' Dapper Dan
Who Carries in His Satchel
A Powder-blue Norfolk Suit,
A Silver-plated Wah-wah Mute,
There Is Whiskey, Gamblin'--each One Is a Curse,
But I'm Up Against a Devil That's Worse.
Yes, a Horn Is My Thorn,
My Trav'lin' Cornet Man!

Kill Yourself! Tell Me About It! Yeah! Yeah!

A Powder-blue Norfolk Suit,
I Said a Silver-plated Wah-wah Mute,
Oh He's Shy On Height,
He's Short On Weight,
But He's the Only Man Can Make My Coffee Perculate,
A Dapper Dan,
My Cornet-playin' Man.

After the Performance, Nick Arnstein Comes Backstage, Elegant in Formal Dress,
To Pay Off a Gambling Debt to Keeney. Nick Has Seen the Show and Tells Fanny
She's Going to Be a Big Star Some Day. Fanny Asks How Much Keeney Is Paying Her,
And Nick Manages to Jack Up Her Salary By Pretending to Bid On Behalf of a Competitor.
He Gives Her His Card and Kisses Her Hand. Eddie Asks Fanny Out For a Date,
But She Only Wants to Be Friends; Already She Has Fallen For Nick, But Imagines She'll
Never See Him Again.