Self Destructive Tendencies

Why do I do this to myself?
Every time I start to move ahead,
I go and fall flat on my back.
In spite of all that I could have.
I know what I’m capable of and my capacity for love
But if I don’t love myself I’ll only put myself through hell.

Do I just fear success therefore choosing to digress
How can I ever suppress all these self destructive tendencies
I keep on living like I’ve died and I’ve got nothing left inside
Can’t say I’ve ever even tried to curb these self destructive tendencies…

For years I’ve conditioned myself
To deny any form of help
Measuring all of my strengths
Across these unrealistic lengths
I’ve got a sense of self worth, but no sense of purpose
I’ll accomplish anything, and just to throw all it away

I’ve done so much to get where I am today
Conquered my fears, looked death in the face
Grounded my self, lived life at a steady pace
Sometimes I want to throw it all away

Do I just fear success therefore choosing to digress
How can I ever suppress all these self destructive tendencies
I keep on living like I’ve died and I’ve got nothing left inside
I never even tried to curb these self destructive tendencies…