The Slowest Man Alive

         Gm
Now the other day I was standing in line
              Bb
And I'd been standing for, well, quite some time
         C
I had a train to catch, I had a place to be
         D7
Sandwich in my hand, I was all set to leave.

       Gm
I was ready to pay, just gonna beep and move
     Bb
Just two more people in that infuriating que
     C
And one of them's gone now; off they drive...
     D7
And this is when I meet the slowest man alive.

Gm (4 bars)

     Gm
He shuffles forward, tripping on every crack
         Bb
Tapping every pocket, his front and back
            C
Raises his arms in the air, "Oh dear, where's my cash?"
Continues after the ad
 D7
Just as he does so, there's a might splash
 Gm
Pennies and fivers and ten p's and pounds
 Bb
Fall from his arms and bounce on the ground
     C
He chuckles. I crack, as down he bends
            D7
To pick up every last coin, fifties, twenties, and tens.

Gm (4 bars)

          Gm
Sandwich melting in hand, the slowest man in this world
            Bb
Plonks his change on the counter, deals it out to the girl
    C
"Uh oh!" he exclaims with a huff and a puff
 D7
"I don't think I have enough"
    Gm
So just as I think I'll never get served
       Bb
A new cashier appears after what we've observed
C
I bound forward, grab my uke from behind
     D7
I'm ready to blow this slow man's mind

Gm (4 bars)

Eb                              Bb
Hey, Scattered Change, have you heard of bpay
            C                         Gm
'Cos I can purchase my sandwich in a unique way
      Eb                           Bb
I'll tell you a bit more about it after this song
         C                               Gm
But I'm paying with my uke and then I'm moving along
      Eb                      Bb
As I smugly place down my uke on the machine
              C                       Bb        C
The slow man laughs at something that I haven't seen...
                            Eb
"I like your bpay sticker,
                           Bb
your lack of change and a purse,
       D7
but before you pay...
                                      Gm
check where your sandwich is first!"