Hold Back Tears

This ain't bout the money
This ain't bout the deals
This ain't bout the cars or the hoes or the wheels
Think you know but you got no idea
How hard this is tryna hold back tears

Ok lets talk about my past
Mama raised me and rick without a dad
Only 6 or 7 I imagine we was bad
Cause we got beat by every boyfriend she had
With extension cords tearing flesh off our ass
Bleedin through our drawers
Blood leakin to our pants
No wonder we couldn't sit still in class
To this day mama say it never happened
Guess its just bullshit that me and rick imagined
You aware I got a 2-year old son
Honestly mama's never asked about him once
Never kissed him on his cheeks
Never looked at him and smiled
Maybe mama don't believe that the baby's even mine
Mama watch me fight day and night just to be eith him
Maybe she hate him cause its me that she see in him
Had us both when she was only 17
Guess we ruined mama's dreams of being homecoming queen
Sorry mama
But I never asked for this
Not once did I ask to be your bastard kid
Mama told me fuck rap, get a job
But if I ain't sell dope we'd starve
Now I got a deal mama treat me like a star
And she yet to ask me how I'm doin when she call
Instead she tell me she want 5 new cars
I just tell her yes ma'am and wipe the frown off my heart

Say my brothers all I have
We grew up together but we grew apart fast
Our family portrait is torn in half
And he blame me for all the hard ship hes havin
I never knew why
But he hate me with a passion
He feel neglected he feel abandoned
We don't get along, no, we always clashin
We used to be close though
Don't know what happened
I love him to death though
Hope he don't attack me
Don't understand why he got so much hatred
Brother threatened to murder me on more than one occasion
And that shit hurts
And that shit kills me
Feelin like my brother's gonna be the man that kills me
Some of the time thats my nigga, thats my guy
Whenever he's high
Its a whole nother side
Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde
He's a whole nother guy
And I know he mean it when I look into his eyes
I'll kill for my brother
I'll steal for my brother
I'd die while I stand for my brother
And thats how I feel bout my brother
Yet but still I pray I don't die by the hands of my brother
And I have nightmares that I gotta fight him back
To keep him from hurtin me
Swear I don't like that
But Ima keep tryin
It might be a lost cause
But I'll never let him know
Just wipe the frown off my heart