Doin' Time Under The Lifegaurd Stand

now for anyone who remembers
their pre-teenage septembers
goin' back to class
and taking sex-ed at school
well i already learned all about women
from doin' all my swimmin'
wearing goggles in the deep end
of the pool

one day mrs potts cried out
there's a peeping tom about
some voyeuristic jacques-cousteau-of-a-man
well i heard that whistle blow
and i said i know i know i know
it's time to park my butt
under the stand

i'm doin' time under the lifeguard stand
you'll do 10 minutes to life
said the lifeguard man
marco (polo) marco (polo)
catch you when i can
until then i'm doin time under the stand

now eddie was a gullible kid
i should be ashamed of the things i did
we used to play this game to see how long
he could hold his breath
a game called smear the otter
and i would hold him underwater
it was a game that nearly scared
his mom to death

chorus

there was no running no yelling no cussing
no fighting no screaming no fussing
no throwing balls no waterguns
no good old just clean fun
no boats no lights no motorcars
not a single luxury
like robinson caruso i watch too much tv

now the years have gone by fast
and i'm finally an adult at last
and i can swim during break
with all you older guys
and now that i'm allowed
i wear my goggles proud
but like a kid i can't believe my eyes