Alas (The Knight)

Emilie Autumn

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    Alas, my love, if I could make you live
    And from the page step forth and sit beside me
    Or better still, bestride the steed I gave you
    Wrapped close within the cloak I lent to hide thee
    Perhaps I'd venture forth to ask thy name
    Since while thou liest underneath my pen
    That honour given which the poorest claim
    Unjustly was withheld. But if again
    I held thee captive as I did ere now
    Stalling to pass my fingers through the last
    Of midnight tendrils, or peruse thy brow
    In fear of sending off what heaven cast
    Too early for my insufficient mind
    To grasp the fullest detail and retain
    The presence that your image left behind
    That thou in all thy glory should remain
    I fear my oversight I would not mend
    For now upon reflection I confess
    That secretly I never did intend
    With title long or surname rich to bless
    But rather let in my imagination
    Run wild the thoughts of who perhaps you were
    Before your soul demanded your creation
    And deigned my mind and willing heart to stir
    For such a noble and impassioned face
    Could well be but newborn unto this sphere
    But sure among a distant beauteous race
    Thou hast known more than all who dwelleth here
    And could tell much of places thou hast seen
    And battles fought for honours won and lost
    And how each service done a faerie Queen
    Becomes a brighter jewel than it cost
    The ladies of your world, you may impart
    Desire to be neither over-graced
    Nor underrepresented in the art
    Of living, where their lips were meant to taste
    A sort of feline stealth they wear about them
    And while a flame of innocence they hold
    In forests dark you fear to be without them
    For knights of maler kinds are ne'er so bold
    Yes, in thy orb a maid may be a knight
    (Thou knew'st a friend would make upon this news)
    Without a whisper loud or censure slight
    For lords are not afeared their stock to lose
    Where no stock may be taken or be kept
    No property be granted, nor no bride
    No maiden may be stolen while she slept
    Nor robbed of her freedom to decide
    What suits her best. No county's law is needed
    To cut the weed of violence from the stem
    No danger for the law to go unheeded
    For acts as these do not occur to them
    The gentlemen you raise are rarer still
    For in their eyes, as in the depths of thine,
    Such soft and thrilling mysteries fulfill
    The darkest corners of their heart's design
    Their arrows, much like those I gave to thee
    Could not but graze the flank of yonder cow
    Without making him laugh. 'Tis much to see
    Them tickling their prey. I know not how
    They ever do encapture what they eat
    Save that perhaps their bright unfettered brains
    Have learned that what grows underneath their feet
    And in the trees above better sustains
    A life intent on living well tomorrow.
    But how, I ask thee, most endearing fiend
    Do lords and ladies love where is no sorrow
    No strife to overcome, no soul uncleaned
    Of crushing ardor long worn out its stay,
    Betrothal to a mortal less divine
    Than that who stole thy blushing breath away,
    No hot forbidden kisses for to pine,
    No heart affixed to age where heart is young,
    No ill intentioned suitors to evade?
    "Still madam! Would'st thou kindly hold thy tongue"
    Thou sayest. "Your mistake has rash been made
    In living long in combat with your kind
    Thou see'st no other obstacle but these
    Thy hands are careworn that have yet to find
    The hands that first should hold them. Yet to please
    The hierarchy which you serve unwitting
    Thou dost believe that love in fighting grows
    That happiness in love is not befitting
    But in thy sadness thou mak'st light of woes
    For even were there ne'er a cloudy day
    No tempest to divide what love had bound
    The galley which the moon holds in her sway
    Could not but stir the peace it finally found
    The wound is deeper than the sea about thee
    The stars upon my doublet you have drawn
    May light my homeward path, but how, without me
    Wilt thou escape the fate thou tremblest on?"
    And in this way and more my paper spoke
    O, fierce, savage, gentle beauty bright
    Thou who I've given breath my soul has broke
    You had authority but not the right
    Could I but see the lips that dare not breathe
    They are so beautiful and pressing sweet
    Could I but touch the wings that underneath
    Are made so soft thy heart forgets to beat
    Perhaps I should have more for which to strive
    You came to my domain and brought despair
    For though I be the chastest heart alive
    The realm you speak of will not take me there
    Have you no pity? Can'st thou not perceive
    That I, a blinded beast, had but the eyes
    To see where I would love? Dost thou believe
    That ere you came I was but vain disguise?
    I know the murmur of music reveals
    The things no human heart could comprehend
    I render'st thou for all that torment feels
    And longed to be thy lordship's faithful friend
    Yea, quiet as a mushroom did I wait
    I willed to thee my form to overtake
    I shivered at each passing horse's gait
    And so I slept to suddenly awake
    Alas, my love, wilt thou kiss me goodbye
    The lingering night will aid thee on thy travels
    I'll craft but one thing more, a crow to fly
    Before to tell me how thy tale unravels
    I say, thou art complete and free to go
    What holds thee here save one who lives no longer
    For I have given thee the life you know
    The weaker I become thou art the stronger
    And in your antique words your clear intent
    Was that once thou art gone I should dismay.
    Quothe thee, "Your thought mistook me for I meant
    To leave thee not but offerest to stay
    For true I never did in my own realm
    Partake of that pure love of which I told thee
    But be my guide and with me at the helm
    And I shall in the cloak you wrought enfold thee
    And journey to the ends of all the earth
    For thou hast proved more generous and wise
    Than all we faeries, moons and stars are worth
    For live we not but living in your eyes."
    Dear nameless knight, if thou would'st be mine own
    And leave thy dragons for a while thou may'st
    Find in these arms within which thou hast grown
    A better reason than the which thou say'st
    But with your hand you pointeth; swear I so
    And 'tis not plain to me, though I did draw it
    Which way thou dost intend for us to go
    Sure in the mind it is of she who saw it
    Yet still perhaps I made thee to discover
    What one would do if one were asked to choose
    'Tween back and forwards. Be thee friend or lover
    Perhaps you were to be my favorite muse
    Thou feel'st thy armor; fight but when you must
    Thou see'st the blade of truth below thy knee
    Use arrows against all whom you mistrust
    But when thou ride'st my way aim one at me
    Your world is yours as ere it was before
    Your time beneath my busy hand well spent
    I've made a thing I love; I ask no more
    And never shall redeem the heart I lent
    Me in my world and thyself in thine
    Two petals on the same and silent flower
    And evermore I'll welcome thee in mine
    Your dear creation was my finest hour

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