Headlights

Mom
I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off, and I'm fucked up?
Mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink

I guess, we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I went in head first
Never thinking about who what I said hurt
In what verse
My mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far?
"Cleanin' Out My Closet" and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you, cause Ma
You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my mom
Though far be it for you to be calling
My house was Vietnam
Desert Storm, and both of us put together
Could form an atomic bomb
Equivalent to chemical warfare
And forever we coul drag this on and on
But, agree to disagree
That gift for me up under the Christmas tree
Don't mean shit to me
You're kicking me out?
It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve
"Little prick, just leave"
Ma, let me grab my fucking coat
Anything to have each other's goats
Why we always at each others throats?
Especially when dad, he fucked us both
We're in the same fucking boat
You'd think that'd make us close, nope
Further away it drove us
But together, headlights shine, a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go
Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest
So my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at 8 years old, and
That's when I realized you were sick
And it wasn't fixable or changable
And to this day we remained estranged
And I hate it though, but

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand-babies grow
But I'm sorry mamma for "Cleanin' Out My Closet"
At the time I was angry
Rightfully, maybe so
Never meant that far to take it though, cause
Now I know it's not your fault
And I'm not making jokes
That song I'll no longer play at shows
And I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own, but
Now the medication's taken over
And your mental state's deteriorating slow
And I'm way too old to cry, the shit's painful though
But Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan yo
All you did, all you said
You did your best to raise us both
Foster Care, that cross you bear
Few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you Debbie Mathers
Oh what a tangled web we have, cause
One thing I never asked was
Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was
Fuck it, I guess he had trouble
Keeping up with every address
But I'd a flipped every mattress
Every rock and desert cactus
Owned a collection of maps and followed my kids
To the edge of the atlas
If someone ever moved them from me?
That you could bet your asses
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa
Kidnap them
And although one has only met their grandma
Once you pulled up in our drive one night
As we were leaving to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness
Come over me
As we pulled off to go our separate paths, and
I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to
Thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
So Mom, please accept this as a tribute
I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had to get this off my chest
I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seatbelt
I guess we're crashing
So if I'm not dreaming
I hope you get this message
That I will always love you from afar
Cause you're my Ma

I want a new life (Start over)
One without a cause (Clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Oh, even if there's songs to sing
My children will carry me
Just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my little girls
So I never say goodbye cruel world
Just know that I'm alright
I am not afraid to die

I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life