Discomfort

I don't like to be watched nor spoken of
Sometimes I only wish to be a shadow
To pass undisturbed through days of existence
Putting you all through the same filter of thoughts
Weighting the reasons why you seem so happy
Calculating how I could break your world
Fucking tired of smelling your flesh
Fucking tired of hearing your futile stories
If you could all just fucking die
Or at least stop existing
All the shapes around me, been there for too long
Don't talk to me, don't speak of me, just forget that you saw me

I only wish to be happy for once
I feel so fucking bad inside
There's always a dead word rotting in my mouth
Something that makes me wants to puke or aggress
I'm living in a stolen life
Interacting like a mechanical caricature of myself
Not able to love myself in any ways
Not able to lift this fucking layer of uneasiness
I'm sick, and it doesn't seem to bother me anymore
So used to boringness and suicided hopes
That sometimes I take pleasure in degrading myself
Fucked up being in a fucked up world
I'm crying tears that has been borrowed
Inventing pieces of life to keep some sanity
Feeding on negativity
What the fuck am I?

There's always a sign, telling me to shipwreck
I'm haunted on a daily basis by succession of notes and visions
Depraving my present life at the price of artistic abstraction
Focusing on the elevation of the I towards nothing
Letting morality pour away
Reconstructing light with shards of stained darkness
Attracted by everything deviant and out of reach
I'm pouring through life as if nothing is worthy of my attention

What good will it make, those words, this music
Nothing
I'm a continuation of the cycle
Being the sum of genetic, potential and environment
I'm not special, surely not important
Just a fucking human not able to free himself
Darkness will only drown the weak
Don't be afraid to plunge head first
If you have second thoughts, keep in mind that your life sucks
And don't forget, if you're still alive, you're a fag