13 Years

Woke up sweating in the sun
Sprawled across my big brother's grave
Shaking and drunk with sleep
I crawled to my feet and walked up into the shade
Of a young elm tree that must have been planted since the last
we came
Vicki, my mom, and me, cleaned the dirt
From the plaque that says his name
Walking to my girlfriend's car
Came back down on me
Yeah, I guess I fell to my knees
To keep from falling face-first into the dream
The vision that had had me twisting out under the afternoon sky
I didn't know it then
But it was thirteen years to the day he died

He held his hand in me
Like brothers we walked
Through the colorless world of an alcohol dream
I talked for hours
Trying the break through the silence
That he held over me
Then he started away, turned his head
Keep it up so you can die like me

Ever since my brother ODied
I've drifted all over from town to town to town
Every place I go it's always the same
I keep doing junk, I keep going down
My mama got religion and my sisters gave up
Man I just gave up too
I just died inside
Don't wanna die like George
Everybody says there's things to see
Everybody's pointing their fingers at me

I woke up driving
After another blackout from another bad drug
I can't shake this hell that I made for myself
For every other life I took
See my sister's son walk the line I walked
He's only sixteen
If he don't learn from my mistakes
He's gonna waste away
He's gonna die like me