Maximus Diabeticus

In the heart of Rome, there’s a tale untold
Of an emperor mighty, with a belly of gold
Maximus Diabeticus, the feast king supreme
His toga barely fits, but he’s living the dream!

Turkey legs in both hands, grapes on the floor
He’s eating his way through empire lore

Maximus, Maximus, oh what a fuss!
He’s the chubbiest ruler, but he’s fabulous!
With a goblet of wine and a sausage or three
Maximus Diabeticus rules gluttonously!

Senators beg: Oh, please take care!
But Maximus laughs: Bring more eclairs!
He conquered the breadsticks, laid siege to the stew
Even Caesar’s salad wasn’t safe from his chew

His chariot creaks, his armor’s too tight
But he feasts through the day and naps through the fight

Maximus, Maximus, oh what a fuss!
He’s the jolliest ruler, but his belt might bust
With a plate in his hand and dessert in his hair
Maximus Diabeticus just doesn’t care!

One day a gladiator dared to compete
In a pie-eating contest, Maximus took the seat
The arena roared as he devoured it all
Proclaiming him champion of the Roman food hall!

Maximus, Maximus, oh what a fuss!
He’s the plumpest emperor, yet so illustrious!
With his fork in the air, he declares with glee
Rome was built on pasta, and it’s all thanks to me!
Maximus, Maximus, oh what a fuss!
He’s the plumpest emperor, yet so illustrious!
With his fork in the air, he declares with glee
Rome was built on pasta, and it’s all thanks to me!

So raise a toast to the legend so grand
Maximus Diabeticus, the man with a plan
To eat, to rule, to feast with delight
The roundest emperor, who’s out of sight!