Change My Past

It never goes away, I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?

Feeling a type of way 'bout the past that I run from
Night and day fade to black when I'm undone
I feel lost constantly exhausted, double-crossed
Still haunted by the monster I once was
And when the sun's gone and there's no escape
I feel the darkness take shape and show face
There's no place, I never feel safe
There's no change, hope fades, and I'll never be okay
Never be the same, but I always feel close to
Losing everything, it's almost like I'm supposed to
I chose you, let you in and gave you a home to
Become a part of me, but now I'm looking to ghost you
I hoped you disappear, but you're attached
I painted the mirror, I tried breaking the glass
I see my face in the cracks, a refraction, I'm abstract
Can't run from the past, but I'm keeping my bags packed

It never goes away, I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?
I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?

Gone is the vessel, now there's nothing inside me
And God and the Devil are the voices behind me
But they lie, designing blue skies
While they guide me to a pasture where nobody will find me
Down a road that I'm hoping to steer through
To a home I thought I left in the rearview
To a weird room, nothing to peer through
Doors shut, curtains drawn, nobody can hear you
All this time I've been holding myself hostage
My hands tied and a blindfolded conscience
Brainwashed and overly cautious
I'm talking to myself in the cell that we're locked in
A situation, I'm dying for some relief
Negotiating the terms for my release
I find keys to set myself free, then history repeats
Nothing can save me

It never goes away, I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?
I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?

And I would be nothing without you
And all that you made me
And I would be nothing without you
And how you destroy me

It never goes away, I'm always looking back
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?
I'll never be okay, I'm seconds from collapse
Am I ever gonna change, ever gonna change, change my past?