Monster in Me

Look
To you, I'm different
It's 'cause I refuse to listen
To all the stupid shit that you include in your opinions

I got enough issues trying to be a human
Living in a ruined system while I'm running from a crucifixion
You'll never get it
I put myself in this position
And nothing you could do could ever worsen my condition

So while you tryna play the villain
Understand that I'm the monster in my blood
Looking for a way to spill it
I can't wait till you see what I make

When I paint the walls red with a gun to my brain
And I can't wait to see the look on your face
When I lay in my own grave, I was never afraid to die
Nah, I'm playing, I'd never follow through
And I'm never gon' do what you want me to

I'm staying
My mind's racing
You think it's 'cause of you
But my thoughts are like a room
You ain't even in my basement
A day passes, I don't ask myself who am I
And I have a habit of imagining my suicide

The thoughts I'm having got me battling my stupid mind
Why does every situation have to be a do or die?
Have to be a foolish lie?
Something that I used to tell myself that always seems to make me lose my cool inside
Makes me think I'm cool with dying
But really all I wanna do is spit the truth
And watch my dreams and points of view align

I think there's something wrong inside my head
I'm getting anxious
I've lost all hope I had of staying calm
I cannot stand this
So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute
I feel the blood run through my veins and there's a
Monster in it

You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster in my blood
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster I become

My mind's a prison
Confinement living
The lights are dimmed and no one tries to visit
Time is ticking
To find the missing
Keys to the cell I'm in or die within it
I wish I had a minute, I would make amends
With the demons that are moving in my vacant head
Maybe I'd convince 'em we'd be great as friends
Maybe then they would listen, it's you we hate instead
I could take my meds or I could pray it ends
Or make a deal with the devil, maybe pay him rent
My only other choice is fill my brain with lead
Or keep on living with the voices till the day I'm dead
Now you know that I'm the only person that can dig my grave
But didn't pay attention 'cause I went and did it yesterday
It's got me thinking that there's gotta be a better way
I'll start by laying you to sleep and tuck you in the bed I made
You'll never get the best of me
I'll bury you with all my skeletons that always had a negative effect on me
You won't ever get away
I never hesitate
I'll close the lid and fill the hole then throw a rose and celebrate

I think there's something wrong inside my head
I'm getting anxious
I've lost all hope I had of staying calm
I cannot stand this
So bite your tongue and walk away because I need a minute
I feel the blood run through my veins and there's a
Monster in it

You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster in my blood
You don't wanna see the monster
You don't wanna see the monster I become