The Loophole

D                        G
All my life I've been good
D                                 
Do what my mom and dad and God say
      A
 I should
D                         G
Go to church and Bible School
A                   D
To live by God's rule
Bm
So whatever people tell me
Bm                   A
That The Bible tells me
D
I will do
D                                 
Walk the halls of high school with
    G
 my purity ring
Bm                                
Unlike those other girls, I've got
  E
 my morals in check
D                       G
It was easy to do 'til I got a 
boyfriend
Bm                             E
And pardon my French, but he's cute 
as heck
D             G
But I made a pact
D             G
To keep my hymen intact
G                    A
And Jesus and I are tight
D                        G
Never learned about the birds and 
the bees
Bm                                
I was taught to keep an aspirin in
    E
 between my knees
D                                 
'Cause The Bible says premarital 
      G
sex is wrong
Bm                             E
But Jason says that guys can't wait 
that long
G                   D
I don't want to lose him
G                   D
To someone who'll do him
G                           A
I need to figure something out

D                            
Well there's a loophole in The 
                   G
Scripture that works really well
         Bm                    E
So I can get him off without going 
to hell
D                   G
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
       Bm                         E
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!
Bm                          E
Oh thank you for making me holy
Bm                                
And thank you for giving me holes 
  E
to choose from
G                            A
And since I'm not a godless whore
G                                A
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

[Chorus]
D                                
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love 
G
Jesus
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Bm                           G   
The good Lord would want it that 
   A
way
D                E        
Gimme that sweet sensation a 
     G           E
throbbing rationalization
G                        A
It's just between you and me
G                               A
'Cause everyone knows it's the 
                D
sex that God can't see

[Verse 2]
D                  G
It's hard to be as pure as me
Bm                          
To resist the urge to lose my 
  A
vaginal virginity
D                   G
To wait until my marriage bed
Bm                             A
To give my husband my unsullied 
maiden head
G             D
So take your cock out
G            D
Shove it in my ass
G            A
Fuck me until you come
        G                    D
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
G                D
And unite our bodies
G                         A
And fly with the wings of God
D                             
Whatever you do, don't touch my 
      G
clitoris
Bm                                
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God 
         A
can't ignore this
D                                 
And no prophylactics when you put it
G
 in
Bm                                
'Cause birth control's for sluts 
        E
and it's a sin
G                D
I've emptied my bowels
G                 D
And laid out the towels
G               A
I'm ready for romance
D                               G
Now I'm praying to the Power that's 
the Highest
Bm                              
But of all of my holes, this ones 
   A
the driest
D                           G
And we can't procreate if we anally 
copulate
Bm                              E
And God's OK with sodomy, but only 
if you're straight
G                     D
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
G                      A
So I'm OK with everything butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh

[Chorus]
D                        G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love 
Jesus
Bm                           G   A
The good Lord would want it that way
D                E             G
Gimme that sweet sensation a 
        E
rock hard rationalization
G                       A
It's just between you and me
G                              A 
'Cause everyone knows it's the 
                 D
sex that God can't see

[Verse 3]
Bm                       E
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Bm                             A
Except for the parts that I choose 
to ignore
Bm                             A
Because they're unrealistic and 
inconvenient
Bm                      E
But the rest I live by for sure
G                                 
So let's not talk about how the 
                  A
Good Book bans shellfish, polyester 
and divorce
G                             
And how it condones slavery and 
              A
killing gays 'cause those parts 
don't happen of course
E                              
Let's cherry-pick the part about 
                         G
losing my cherry and mine it for 
ambiguities and ommissions
 A                             Bm
To circumvent any real sacrifice, 
but still feel pious in my arbitrary
 parroted
E
positions
D                  A        
And don't you dare question my 
        Bm
convictions
E                           
And don't look closely at the 
        G
contradictions
D                     A    
Just focus on the sacrificial 
          Bm
crucifixion
E                            
And have faith in its complete 
         G
jurisdiction
E
As the only way to measure if you're
 good or not
And in a debate, just say to “have 
faith”
'Cause when up against logic it's 
                        A
the only card you've got
G
So close your eyes
A
Take a deep breath
And..

[Chorus]
D                      G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love 
Jesus
Bm                         G      A
The good Lord would want it that way
D                E             G
Gimme that sweet sensation of an
           E
 irrational rationalization
G                      A
It's just between you and me
G                 A              
'Cause everyone knows it's the 
              E
sex that God can't see
G                        A
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
G                  A         
But sometimes you need to think 
               D
outside the box