The Loophole

D                        G
All my life I've been good
D                                       A
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
D                         G
Go to church and Bible School
A                   D
To live by God's rule
Bm
So whatever people tell me
Bm                   A
That The Bible tells me
D
I will do
D                                     G
Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring
Bm                                  E
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
D                       G
It was easy to do 'til I got a boyfriend
Bm                             E
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
D             G
But I made a pact
D             G
To keep my hymen intact
G                    A
And Jesus and I are tight
D                        G
Never learned about the birds and the bees
Bm                                    E
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
D                                       G
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
Bm                             E
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
G                   D
I don't want to lose him
G                   D
To someone who'll do him
G                           A
I need to figure something out

D                                               G
Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
         Bm                    E
So I can get him off without going to hell
D                   G
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
       Bm                         E
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!
Bm                          E
Oh thank you for making me holy
Bm                                  E
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
G                            A
And since I'm not a godless whore
G                                A
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

[Chorus]
D                                G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Continues after the ad
Bm                           G      A
The good Lord would want it that way
D                E             G           E
Gimme that sweet sensation a throbbing rationalization
G                        A
It's just between you and me
G                               A                D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

[Verse 2]
D                  G
It's hard to be as pure as me
Bm                            A
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
D                   G
To wait until my marriage bed
Bm                             A
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head
G             D
So take your cock out
G            D
Shove it in my ass
G            A
Fuck me until you come
        G                    D
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
G                D
And unite our bodies
G                         A
And fly with the wings of God
D                                   G
Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
Bm                                         A
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this
D                                 G
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Bm                                        E
'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin
G                D
I've emptied my bowels
G                 D
And laid out the towels
G               A
I'm ready for romance
D                               G
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
Bm                                 A
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
D                           G
And we can't procreate if we anally copulate
Bm                              E
And God's OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight
G                     D
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
G                      A
So I'm OK with everything butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh

[Chorus]
D                        G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm                           G   A
The good Lord would want it that way
D                E             G        E
Gimme that sweet sensation a rock hard rationalization
G                       A
It's just between you and me
G                              A                  D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see

[Verse 3]
Bm                       E
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Bm                             A
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Bm                             A
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
Bm                      E
But the rest I live by for sure
G                                                   A
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
G                                           A
And how it condones slavery and killing gays 'cause those parts don't happen of course
E                                                       G
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and ommissions
 A                             Bm
To circumvent any real sacrifice, but still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted
E
positions
D                  A                Bm
And don't you dare question my convictions
E                                   G
And don't look closely at the contradictions
D                     A              Bm
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
E                                     G
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction
E
As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And in a debate, just say to “have faith”
                                                          A
'Cause when up against logic it's the only card you've got
G
So close your eyes
A
Take a deep breath
And..

[Chorus]
D                      G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm                         G      A
The good Lord would want it that way
D                E             G           E
Gimme that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization
G                      A
It's just between you and me
G                 A                            E
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
G                        A
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
G                  A                        D
But sometimes you need to think outside the box