The Unfortunate Gwatkin

G           Em                   
I wandered around to the back of 
    C             D
the petrochemical plant where they’d
 found Mr
G                  Em C  D
Gwatkin’s jacket in 1974.   Sleeves 
turned inside out
G                          Em
With a tin of sweetcorn in each 
           C              D
pocket. The rumours surrounding his 
disappearance
G                   Em      
Are many and varied. Though we 
          C                     D
should for the time being at least 
accept the version of
G                         Em     
Events given to us by the 
            C                 
lamentable chap himself on his 
   D      G  Em
eventual return.
              C                D
In doing this however, we must also 
keep in our thoughts
    G                  Em      
The findings of better minds who 
     C                  D
conclude that Gwatkin as-is no 
longer
G          Em             C D   
Represents Gwatkin as-was.
G Em C D  G Em C D



G                     Em         
Piecing together an occasional 
    C                         D
vague sentence and some garbled 
chanting heard during the
G           Em                   
Small hours, it appears that our 
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victim was making his way home from 
the Pessimist
G           Em                    
Festival in Mollington when he was
 C             D
 set upon by a gang of miscreants, 
the
G                   Em      
Chief malefactor of whom was a 
                C                 
particularly vicious character going
D
 by the name of
G         Em               C    
Bridgedale. So called on account
              D
 of a thermal sock with which he
G                   Em           
Gloved his fist whenever he 
             C                   D
became tetchy and needed to punch 
      G Em C D  G Em C D
somethink.


G            Em                   
Unable to comply with the rabble’s
 C              D
 hot tempered demands for 
unreasonable
Continúa después del anuncio
G              Em                 
Things such as cathedral juice and
 C               D
 vicar shit, the heavily pummelled
G                           
Innocent was dragged into the 
  Em                C            
churchyard of St. Lawrence and there
D
 left to his own
  G                 Em             
Devices next to the grave of young 
C           D
Nelson Burt – whose own tragic
G                     Em         
Tale is of particular interest to
     C                 D  G Em C D
 the local historian.


G                          Em    
It is believed that within twenty
            C            D
 minutes of this episode, a further 
attack was witnessed by
G        Em                  C   
One Slow Dempsey of Woodside Farm, 
 D
who alleged that he saw the
 G                   Em           
Aforementioned Bridgedale scuttle 
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a full four hundred feet along the 
Wervin Turnpike
G            Em                  
To deliver a perfect Haymaker 
    C         D  G Em C D
onto a stray colt.            This 
afternoon I
G              Em          
Visited Daniel Gwatkin in the 
            C               
confined place which he will 
             D
probably never leave.
G             Em                
I was offered redbush tea and a 
C        D
fig roll. The pleasantry gave
G                   Em           
Hope for lengthy discourse but 
        C                 D
cheer was swiftly dismissed as the 
pitiful subject
G                          Em    
Proceeded to gaze out of a large 
           C                   D
window for what seemed like an age, 
before
G                 Em             
Turning around to fix me with 
         C             D
pitch black sockets which simply 
said
G          Em C D    G        
“Help me”.            Then 
            Em C D   Am Em C D
came the song:


G      Em  C          D         
Cresta!      What the fuck were 
   G         Em C D
we drinking?
G      Em  C          D         
Cresta!      What the fuck were 
   G         Em C D
we drinking?

G          Em     C              
I write to people, they don’t  
  D          G          Em       
get back to me. I write a second 
   C             D
time, they don’t reply.
G           Em        C         
To ease the loneliness and pass 
    D   G           Em   C      
the time I pace the room, 
    D
inventing bands;
G     Em          C           D
Experimental trio from 
     G                  Em    
Borehamwood – ‘Hall, Stairs and 
   C               D
Landing’: they’re really good.
G        Em   C            D   
Scott Verplank did not get back
       G             Em    C     
 to me. Newcombe and Roche, still
       D
 no response.
G         Em        C          
Congolesi Unsworth, Glaswegian 
D     G             Em       C 
Runes, the singer’s granddad 
             D
writes all the tunes.


G     Em          C           D 
Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie 
   G      Em          C           
Mudd. Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie 
D
Mudd.
G     Em     C            D     
Uh-oh Chongo! It’s Danger 
   G Em C D
Island!


G       Em C          D         
Cresta!      What the fuck were we 
   G
drinking?
      Em          C           D
Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd, Jodie Mudd.
G       Em C          D         
Cresta!      What the fuck were 
   G         Em C D
we drinking?
G
Cresta!