Anxiety

I swear every day is something different
Death and helplessness feeling so empty
I trade my what if's for others
Like what if my illness was more than just wonders
I’m sick of being sick of me
Grit my teeth, weaken the knees
I can only run for so long before I trip and see

That I can’t change my outcome
My mind constantly races
I wish I could live without one

I’m my own worst enemy and that’s a reality
I take the smallest thing and turn it into tragedy
A sip of coffee to wake up
But caffeine rattles my brain like I’m insane
But I guess that’s just my makeup

I used to live care free, but now I’m so scared, please
Just leave me the fuck alone
Not anybody in general, but my own body, the temple
My insides like catacombs
Find my way through the dark to be back at home
The place I was taken from without consent
Only to be returned broken and bent
I can’t even be comfortable when I’m at ease
I create a storm from a gentle breeze

Why am I like this?
Where did it come from?
It’s like most of me is in the penumbra
I fight to feel the rays but I’m trapped in the overcast
I pray for clarity, but I haven’t prayed in ages
If I end up in hell it’s probably better
Than what I face on a daily basis
I can’t even escape it on vacations

I try to relax but only relapse into another attack
Nothings in tact
I can’t hold it together
I’m slowly sinking on this endeavour