When I Die

I left you outside the gates of heaven they wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like hell on earth without you near
I named my daughter after you
So when she smiles it's sorta like you're still here
It's kinda crazy how time flies 25 years since my grandmom died
But it feels like just yesterday when we was all laughing together
Those happy memories are so vivid, they'll last me forever
and yet you're still here somehow, I still feel your presence
I credit you for my inner strength, I feel it in my essense
In my soul, in my inner being, in my genetics
I wouldn't exist if you hadn't persisted through the trenches
I wouldn't have been a lyricist, I owe you every sentence
Every verse I've ever written your energy is kinetic
Though I've grown up, I'm still heartbroken, aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open those gates when I die

My guardian angel flies
These tears I cry, asking for mercy
It hurts so deep inside
But I hear your cries
Asking for mercy

I left you outside the gates of heaven they wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like hell on earth without you near
I named my label after you
So when I rhyme it's sorta like you're still here
It's been a year still in shock about exactly what happened to you
Made a song for you called "My Uncle"
I was just rapping to you, just talking to you
I just saw you at my mother's house
I can't believe I just bought a coffin for you
We always feared that you would die from an overdose
God knows you loved to do drugs, it swallowed you whole
But in the end, drugs didn't kill you, cancer did
Why do good people die young? I don't know what the answer is
All I know is I worshipped you as a scrappy kid
Being around you made me feel cooler than rapping did
and that's pretty fuckin cool, trust me
I was embarrassed when you started smoking crack
Honestly, it crushed me - Swept in under the rug
Started smoking weed and popping acid but managed to not do the uglier drugs
We grew apart after my grandmother died
Homeless, in and outta jail, we stopped relating to each others lives
But years later, we connected once again
Not just as nephew and uncle, but as homies, we were friends
Though I've grown up, I'm still heartbroken, aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open those gates when I die

My guardian angel flies
These tears I cry, asking for mercy
It hurts so deep inside
But I hear your cries
Asking for mercy