Heartbeat

As they listen to my heartbeat
As timid as how I pronounce
I'm so sorry
For making you all come out
Don’t know what happened
Seems my mind
Thought it would be fun
I’ve been holding so dearly to a light
As brilliant as the Sun
I am mystified I'm here at all
Can’t tell you what this act is
But I know it’s my fault
My fault

And I know its all in my brain
But this brain of mine
Doesn’t distinguish types of pain
And tomorrow will be yet another day
Where I struggle with the same

With wobbly knees and a manic brain
I try to stand but I stray
Oh nurse why are you so kind
Gentle voices cooing my feeble mind
But I just watch their mouths move
And keep my thoughts in solitude
For if they only knew
My life goes on too soon

And I know its all in my brain
But this brain of mine
Doesn’t distinguish types of pain
I'm sorry you had to find out this way
I should have told you but I was ashamed

Oh please don’t go
I'm selfish I know
But can’t keep pretending that I'm not in control
Oh please don’t go
I know you’re terrified
But I promise I’ll try harder every
Second of this life

For I know its all in my brain
And it’s treatable now all the doctors say
And mom I’ve felt so alone
I’ve felt so afraid
That I’ve been losing to something
I could not state

And I never wanted you to see me this way
I wanna be strong like you
I wanna be brave
But for years I’ve struggled with my brain
And I thought admitting it meant
I couldn’t be those things

And I never wanted you to see me this way
I wanna be strong like you
I wanna be brave
But for years I’ve struggled with my brain
And I thought admitting it meant
I couldn’t be those things