Follies Minstrels

Irving Berlin

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    [Interloc'ter:]
    Ladies and gentlemen, be seated
    Mister Bones, Mister Bones
    How do you feel, Mister Bones?

    [Bones:]
    Rattlin'!

    [Interloc'ter:]
    Mister Bones feels rattlin'!
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, that's a good one
    Tell a little story, Mister Bones

    [Chorus:]
    Tell a little story, Mister Bones

    [Bones:]
    How can you keep an angry dog from biting you on Monday?

    [Interloc'ter:]
    That joke is old, the answer is to kill the dog on Sunday

    [Bones:]
    That's not the way to keep a dog from biting you on Monday

    [Interloc'ter:]
    How would you bring the thing about?

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    [Bones:]
    Have the doggie's teeth pulled out!

    [Interloc'ter:]
    Oh, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

    [Chorus:]
    Yes, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

    [Interloc'ter:]
    And now we'll hear the ballad singer's pet
    A song we'll ne'er forget
    By the barnyard quartette

    [Quartette:]
    Yes, my darling, you shall be, shall be
    Always young and fair to me
    That's a song that never will grow old
    "Silver threads among the gold"

    [Tambo:]
    Mister Interloc'ter

    [Interloc'ter:]
    What is wrong with you?

    [Tambo:]
    I know of a doctor

    [Interloc'ter:]
    Tell about him, do

    [Tambo:]
    Sad to say, one day he fell
    Right into a great big well

    [Interloc'ter:]
    That's too bad

    [Tambo:]
    It serves him right

    [Interloc'ter:]
    Why speak in such a tone?

    [Tambo:]
    He should have attended to the sick
    And let the well alone

    [Quartette:]
    That's a joke that was told
    By the minstrel men we miss
    When Georgie Primrose used to sing
    And dance to a song like this:

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