Only For Americans

[Horace:] Countess, you're my pal. Hey, we gotta celebrate!
[Countess:] What?
[Horace:] Yeah, first to Montmartre!
Then the Moulin Rouge!
The Folies Bergere!
[Countess:] Not at all....
[Horace:] Not Montmartre?
[Countess:] No.
[Horace:] Not the Moulin Rouge?
[Countess:] No.
[Horace:] Not the Folies Bergere?!
[Countess:] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They are

[1st refrain:]
Only for Americans
The midnight life in gay Paree
The Frenchman he would never see
It's only for Americans
The prices in the smart cafe
The Frenchman he would never pay
The price that's more is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.

A Montmartre lady drops her hanky
And slyly winks her eye
That's only for the Yankee
The Frenchman wouldn't buy

Only for Americans
The Frenchmen on the boulevards
Don't buy those dirty postal cards
They're only for Americans
The little holes for peeping through
To see what naughty people do
The French would bore, they're only for
Americans from the U.S.A.

[2nd refrain:]
Only for Americans
The shops with many real antiques
Antiques as old as seven weeks
They're only for Americans
The bed on which a king made love
Which there are sev'ral dozen of
The French pooh pooh, we sell them to
Americans from the U.S.A.

Those old Napoleon brandy labels
That recently were made
They're not for Frenchmen's tables
They're for the Yankee trade

Only for Americans
The Frenchman gets his kisses free
But those for which there is a fee
Are only for Americans
You'll find two prices on a dress
One that is extremely less
The price that's more is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.

[3rd refrain:]
Only for Americans
A Frenchman's food is very plain
Those fancy sauces with ptomaine
Are only for Americans
A Frenchman seldom eats the snails
With little ulcers on their tails
And all that cheese was made to please
Americans from the U.S.A.

While the American carouses
Where crimson shadows creep
The French avoid those houses
They go to bed to sleep

Only for Americans
A Frenchman wouldn't be impressed
To see a show with girls undressed
That's only for Americans
The French don't go to naked shows
They've seen what's underneath the clothes
And each encore is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.

[4th refrain:]
Only for Americans
The Frenchmen don't keep company
With south of France society
That's only for Americans
The Frenchman hasn't large amounts
To pay for Barons, Dukes and Counts
That you adore, they're only for
Americans from the U.S.A.

We like to keep the good relations
That nothing must upset
We give you decorations
That Frenchmen seldom get

Only for Americans
Our finest art is in the Louvre
The ones the experts don't approve
Are only for Americans
We keep an artist by the gate
To sign the paintings while you wait
Before they're dry, they're purchased by
Americans from the U.S.A.

[alternate bridge in 2nd REFRAIN:]
We buy your worn out mink and sables
And fix them up like new
Then simply change the labels
And sell them back to you

[alternate ending:]
Only for Americans
The season starts, they come to town
They turn the city upside down
We use their Yankee Doodle dough
To clean up Paris when they go

But we can't do without them
We're simply mad about them
The Americans
The Americans
The Americans from the U.S.A.