Im A Wanker

D         G         D       G
My mother said that I never should
A                                 
play with the naughty rude girls 
      D
in the wood.
               G            D     
Their giggling talk I could never 
      G
understand
    A                              
and that's when I fell in love with
          D
 my right hand

and that's why


      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
       C                    G
and it does me good like it bloody 
well should.
      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
        D                 G
and I'm always pullin' my pud!


      D        G      D         
I was 25 years old before I was 
G
kissed
    A                              
and then I found that I preferred a
                   D
 swift one off the wrist
                  G            D  
It's cheap and convenient, you 
         G
can't catch VD!
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       A                           
It's available at any time and it's
            D
 absolutely free!

and that's why

      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
       C                    G
and it does me good like it bloody 
well should.
      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
        D                 G
and I'm always pullin' my pud!

G                      C          
Oh, Mrs. Palm and your five lovely 
 G
daughters,
C             G             D
thank you for having me and being oh
 so kind.
         G                      
I've got pains in my arms and my 
 C                G
donkey's getting shorter.
C                       G        
My knees have turned to water and
   D               G
 I think I'm going blind.

     D           G           D   
I've wanked over Italy, I've 
        G
wanked over Spain
     A                             
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've 
                  D
even had a wank in a train.
     D      G            D       
I've used a badger and a melon 
    G
and a cat
A                                 
an inflateable Linda Lovelegs and 
                D
a Davy Crockett hat!

and that's why

      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
       C                    G
and it does me good like it bloody 
well should.
      G
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
        D                 G
and I'm always pullin' my pud!

G                      C          
Oh, Mrs. Palm and your five lovely 
 G
daughters,
C             G             D
thank you for having me and being oh
 so kind.
         G                      
I've got pains in my arms and my 
 C                G
donkey's getting shorter.
   C                    G         
My knees have turned to water and 
  D               G
I think I'm going blind.