Dear Diary

Joe Budden

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    The soundtrack to my life is like CNN first sh*t
    Images like CNN but worse sh*t
    I would down the whole Pinot Gris
    But I'd see the Group Home without the Premo beats
    And it hurts my soul
    I'm a Warrior so though the odds is against a nigga, Dirk gon' choke
    Some people confide in the person that they sleep with
    I've learned there's no such thing as a secret (oh)
    I can't describe the feeling I get
    You was riding shotgun, I was wheeling the whip
    Sh*t, I even let you rock out
    Being Bill Belichick, tapin' from the sidelines, stealin' my sh*t
    But dawg, you was like a mini me
    Mocked me, envied me, turns out YOU WAS BLOWIN' HOT AIR, KENNY G
    But you was cool, accepted you instantly
    Not a groupie but you had a few tendencies
    And though we share a few memories
    A couple wrong turns'll turn a friend to an enemy
    See, phony people like phony people
    Even you could be mistaken if you phone these people
    Look, when you invite the nerds to the cool table
    Sh*t IS BOUND TO BREAK UP LIKE A POOL TABLE
    So wack dudes'll start feeling like the sh*t
    And you thinkin' it's you, it's really where you sit
    Or maybe you was neglected
    'Cause when you take the front down and strip a nigga naked, he's dying to be accepted (oh)
    I did that, just the way you was
    Now you a stranger, nothing like the way you was
    But uh, you not real, you not Rachel
    You not Worm, you not Dill, sh*t, you not chill
    I thought you had some...
    Fu*k the fake sh*t, I'm really feel that you tryna screw me
    And you a little smarter than the average dude
    So it took a nigga just a little longer to see
    They tried to warn me, fought with my girl erry night about you
    Sh*t only hurts 'cause she was right about you
    She run around wanting to shoot you the fair one
    I keep telling her "chill, I don't care none"
    I got another side I never showed to you
    The side where everybody is disposable
    See, relationships are never a threat
    'Cause I'll erase the history and act like we never met
    Become done giving a fu*k and done calling
    I got your e-mail, I was done way before then (oh)
    Dear Diary, I don't wanna keep sh*t inside of me
    I'd rather just speak to you privately
    Maybe it's my mood, as far as I can see
    There's really no point in having this guy with me
    Change from the days of us getting in your truck
    It's bigger than one song, it's bigger than a buck
    It's bigger than me, bigger than buck
    Bigger than voodoo, it's bigger than luck, sh*t, it's bigger than us
    I always call niggas fools for wanting to learn the hard way (when)
    When I'm really the fool for tryna teach 'em
    When the blinds leading the blind you can't reach 'em
    If niggas ain't as hungry as you then why feed 'em?
    Niggas ain't tryna be lead then why lead 'em?
    Having big problems with your dogs, why breed em?
    I'll keep my part up, keep my guard up
    Was like Thundercats but changed faster than Cheetara
    This a small part of a larger issue
    Sometimes acceptance is so hard to get to
    But we all equal, no one lower or above me
    I love my team just as much as they love me
    If not more
    If I turn the knob we all going through the door, I ain't coming back for y'all
    The whole crew feel the same as me
    How could you ignore something so plain to see?
    I'm being ig'nant, that get on my nerves every minute
    What's plain to some is really Burberry printed
    Being so real sometimes is a slow kill
    We was one squad, you broke out like Mike Schofield
    I want fillet mignon, you want oatmeal
    Add up our differences equals up to no meal
    No mills, yup, no deal, why you gotta chase sh*t
    To know it's no thrills
    For real, a nigga still beefin' with his baby momma (BUT!)
    Only thing my baby ain't a baby no more
    Hit her on MySpace, maybe she ain't shady no more
    Sent old girl a message, no reply but she read it
    Some things are so embedded and our heads is
    Looking for O's but get X's, dealing with ya exes
    I was one long line away from the Tetris
    She sent me the L, that sent me to hell
    To the point where I was ignoring my son
    I don't see him, don't talk to him
    I don't greet him, don't walk with' him
    But I pay for him like he's an object
    No matter how right I am, in court I CAN'T OBJECT
    Dear Diary, how could she deny me?
    How she go to bed without her F*CKING WITH HER PSYCHE?
    Is she wrong using him so I can come back? (or)
    Or am I wrong for wishing I COULD GET MY CUM BACK?
    Looking for sun, all I see is the hail
    How I'm gon' trust? All I see is betrayal
    It's like they keep trying more and more to subdue me
    And only you understand, signed by yours truly

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