The Ship Is Fine

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I would have a great big deck
Plated in solid gold!
'Cause being teased about my little deck
Is really gettin' old! (happens a lot)
I'd sail from south tortuga
All the way up to Quebec
And in each port I'd shout: Hey, sailor!
Wanna ride my great big deck?
(It's enormous! - it's okay, it's okay)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

Let's see, uh
I'd get rid of all the water
From down in the ballast hole (but we'll tip over!)
And replace it with some good dark rum
Where it can stay nice and cold!
Every man aboard the ship can drink
Until he's had his fill
And the only rude we'd enforce
Is that noone's allowed to spill!
(How about that? Take that, you'd have to replace it later)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd strip her down just to a rudder
A mast and a wheel (minimalism!)
I'd make her long and hard - and hollow
And cover her in steel! (urr!)
She'd be a giant floating cannon
No need for cabins and walls! (we-we need them)
And everyone would shiver
When they saw the size of my balls!
(I'm shivering already, you've seen them? They're huge!)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd replace the bunks and hammocks
With big four-poster beds (ooh, okay!)
And I'd get rid of most the crew like you, lot
And hire trollops on instead
She'd be a floating brothel
And I'd be her captain bow
I'd have more fun than any pirate
And I'd make a lot more gold (arrogant jerk)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!

I'd get rid of all the sails
And find something better than the wind (what?)
Perhaps some sort of intermittent combustion engine
With reciprocating pistons
And a fuel source based on heat!
We could - hey! - woah, woah, woah!
Well, forget it you mooks
Let's go with devin's brothel plan
Wouldn't that be sweet? (Yeaah!)

There's not a thing wrong with this ship
In fact, she is just fine
But there would be some changes
If if this vessel it were mine
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!
Nothing unrealistic or too drastic or severe
Just some subtle tweaks to improve the atmosphere!