Cold Blooded Christmas

A                       E
It was late at night on Christmas 
eve
A                                
I was dreaming of the soft white 
E
snow
A                                
I was awoken by a noise near the 
E
Christmas tree
A           E     D   E   A
What it was I did not know
A                          E
It was Santa Clause he was bringing 
me some gifts
A                   E
Unfortunately I did not know that
A                     E
So I quietly snuck up behind him
A              E         D      
And I shot him five times in the
E    A
 back
A           A           A
It went Pow pow pow pow pow
A           A           A
He said "what the fuck ow ow ow"
A            A          A       
Then I shot him three more times
       A
 in the head
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A            A              D   
Pieces of his brain flew out and
        E
 he was dead
A                       
That's when I noticed his 
  E
blood-soaked beard
A                            E
And his red suit filled with bullet 
holes
A                          E
I said "oh my god I killed santa 
clause
A                 E       D    
I'm not going to jail for this 
E         A
asshole"
A                      E
So I went to my shed and I got my 
saw
A                          E
And I started to choppipty chop chop
A                               E
I started with his arms then his 
legs then his head
A                 E        D     
And then the torso was a really 
 E      A
long job
A                      A
And the blood went spurt spurt spurt
A                  A         A
It was really hard work work work
A           A                A
It was hard cutting through his 
spine
A          A        D       E
I must have vomited sixteen times
A                E
I burnt all the pieces in my 
fireplace
A                              
The smell of burning human flesh 
   E
filled my nose
A                           E
Eleven hours later there was nothing
 left
A           E      D      E       A
And that's when I heard my telephone
A                        E
It was Auntie Jean looking for Uncle
 Bob
A                         E
She said "He left the house dressed 
as Santa Clause
A                       E
But he didn't come home last night
A                  E     D     
Have you seen him god I hope 
E     A
he's alright"