Political Compass Rap

Hi, I'm totalitarian right
I'm the voice of the people, if the people are white
Don't mean to get up in your face, but we're getting replaced
Culture war now, let's win this race

Okay, uh, fifteen dollars, right?
That's one dollar for every year that she's been alive
Well, uh, I keep telling you, it's not pedophilia
It's ephebophilia, oh, she's only fourteen?
Guess it is pedophilia
Still, it's one dollar off, right?
Oh! Hi, I'm anarchist right
I don't believe in a state, none of this might makes right
I think market forces should guide the world
And if there's a market for it, I should be able to buy this girl
(Thirteen dollars, fifty-cents, final offer)

Ugh, you two make me sick
I am the proletariat
You two capitalist pigs will get round up and shot
And I will speak for the weak whether they want me to or not
I am totalitarian left
My side is the best
I realize the last five times we tried this, we all starved to death
But I have a really good feeling about the next

I'm anarchist left, and, oh, fuck
This is not the place for me
How do all these ideologies suck so much?
Anyone want some dmt?

Ehh, I'll have some! Here! Eww, not for free!
How do you expect to stimulate the economy?

Okay, first things first, fuck you!
Wha-wha, what did I do?
And second, you want to crush people through the state
I mean, да, sure, the state is great!
You claim to want equality, but how can that be
When the state is controlling how equal you can be?
And third, fuck you! Ha
And fourth, you're not even an anarchist, dude!

You expect to keep the people in line without a state? Please!
At least the three of us aren't contradictory
What, this guy claims to be an anarchist, but fetishizes cops!

Hey, if cops can be bought, then cops are great
They're only bad when they're used as tools of the state
Ugh, clearly you're the side most deserving of hate
Are you fucking kidding me? There's a nazi in the northeast!

I do not-see what you mean! Haha, this guy's a treat!
(What the fuck?!) stop whining about tyranny
You'll never achieve anything with anarchy
I only keep you around 'cause you shut their speech down

There should be no platform for government or nazis!
Ahh, there the left goes again threatening my free speech
I just want you to hear my important ideas
I'm not gonna listen to a fucking nazi!

I'm not a nazi, that's simply untrue
Though I will say, not a big fan of the jews
Uh, globalists, he means globalists
What? No, I don't! Work with me here!

You're clearly a nazi!
I'm more of a race-realist white identitarian
Who believes in strong government, sure, totalitarian
But I don't want genocide, I just want an ethnostate
What if people don't want to leave?
Then we have a genocide and it's great!

Ah, this is why I can't associate with you!
Agreed, come near me, and it's world war 2 two!

We both know there's a pipeline between you and me!
And you seem embarrassed by how much we agree!
And all you do is complain, you goddamn hippie!
You think everyone can just get along
But the truth is ruthless, you're ruled by the strong!

Exactly, which is why we need to stop
This wanton destruction of capitalist rot
You send your workers to die in early graves
The working class are your working slaves

Wait, what's wrong with slaves? Slaves are fine!
Listen, dude, this is not the time
Why do you think we need a state to do it?
Yeah, don't tread on me, man! Ah, screw it!
Why are you like this? Why are you on my team?
Oh, I'm sorry, did you forget?
Everything you have is made by capitalists
It's not a state, it's cold hard cash
That builds your roads and feeds your cats (ree!)
Everything you're saying is utter bullshit
It's not a system of oppression just because you're bad at it!
It is! You perpetuate a racist system
Capitalism is feudalism
Is colonialism is racism!
Hey, what's wrong with racism? Please, shut the fuck up!
Okay, there you go again, saying I see race
How can you say that shit with a straight face?
The only color that I see is green
Greed is the only way to true equality

Uh, capitalism is destroying mother earth!
You fascists prioritize human life under net worth!

There the left goes again, calling everyone fascist!
Yeah, it's very hurtful! You're actually fascist!

See, this is what happens when you don't have a state
Everyone just degenerates
That's right, wait, why am I agreeing with you?
Your ideologies killed millions! Nein! Okay, true, but I
Didn't mean it! At least the people I kill are people I'm trying to
The only people that you kill is you
Says the person whose hero put a bullet through his brain
Come here, fascist scum, feel some communist pain!

Guys, guys, centrist here
All of this extremism is causing me fear
Isn't there something everyone
Can just find together and agree on?

Not with them, they are the first to go!
I'm not engaging in discourse with these people!
There's no way I'm getting along with them!

Come on, there must be something
I mean, think about it, the supporters of
All of you guys have anime profile pictures
That's degenerate, but yes, they do
See? Isn't that enough to bond the four of you?

Get out of here you neoliberal scum!
Yeah, go preach peace to someone

I bet this cuck watches mainstream news
Ugh, who the fuck watches mainstream news?

Wait, you guys hate the centrists too?
I thought it was just me that thought that centrists were shit
But I guess we all hate the moderates!

You all still get the bullet though!
Can we get the gas chambers prepared for these three?

I am still going to bash all of your skulls in!
I keep telling you, it's ephebophilia!