No Booty Call

Hello?
hey it's your ex.
it's one in the morning what the hell do you want?
baby I'm horny
oh, what are you saying, you want to get together?
i want you to come over all dressed up in leather
like you used to do
back in '02
you give me nice dreams
make me want to scream ooh, ooh, ooh
that's not happening again, that was back then
and now i'm interested in bigger and better men

no booty calls!
deck.
no booty calls!
deck.
that's not happening!

aw, Kelly, i still got it goin on
i know you're hot to trot, and i'm warm for your form
wow, with cliches like that i'm really torn
your game is played, go back to your porn
you start me up, you make a dead man come
then you can just drop dead, cause you ain't gettin some
what happened to the freak who used to rock my world?
well, the freak's still here, but she's not your girl
you broke up with ME
i made a mistake
so why don't you just ask me out on a date?
uh, cuz, uh, tonight's fate
please

no booty calls!
deck.
no booty calls!
that's not happening!

remember when i hit it in the parking lot
outside of IHOP?
yeah, that was so hot
thank you, i'm flattered, but it doesn't matter
i remember that you threw up in the pancake batter
you've got a problem, you're drunk all the time
are even you sure that this phone number's mine?
uhhh...yeah, i...wait, what?
if that confused you, i'm gonna have to lose you
go back to first grade and get yourself a Blue's clue
i don't even know whatever made me choose you
cuz we're good together
but i can do better
no one makes you wetter
buddy, you're like cheddar

CHEESY! (white cheddar)

you know, i moved out my moms, and i got my own crib
that's funny, that's just where you belong, in a crib
you sayin i'm your baby?
i'm sayin you're a baby
i'm not hearin yes or no, i'm hearin maybe
well, get your hearing checked cuz you can't play me
if i'm a player, hate the game, don't hate me
that's not how that phrase goes
i know, but you just turn me on baby from my head to my toes
jesus christ, could you at least be original?
if game was the truth then yours would be fictional
baby, i got style and i got class
i got a brand new boot for your ass

no booty calls!
deck.
aw, come on, baby!
no, no booty calls!
deck.
that's not happening!

hey Kelly from the block
i don't just talk the talk
i walk the walk and i know you like my c--!
hey johnny come lately
don't discombobulate me
if you want some of this you have to properly date me
you mean wine and dine? that's a waste of time
i can spend five dollars and still get mine
since that's probably all you have, let me buy you a hint
how's this: go stuff your peehole with a junior mint

baby all i want to do is make you sweat
let me be Romeo to your Juliet
OK, drink some poison and i'll stab myself
you'd know that story if you ever took a book off a shelf
i don't need no book
double negative, so you do
my dick's hard, look
that's pejorative, so rude

i don't understand all these big words you use
i don't need big words cause i got big shoes
verbally you're a moron, sexually you're a cling on
i'm more mature now, i need a mental turn on

baby i got brains, in my underwear,
my dick equals mc squared BOOM!
you need to go back to physics class
the only brain in your pants is your head up your ass
check that, you know, you could be right
cuz you do come faster than the speed of light

you must admit i got a load like a stallion
i skeet skeet on with my creamy italian
ew, what am i to you, a salad bar?
you like to skeet so much, i need a dick sneeze guard!

you want some tonight?
i want some never
that's not what you said back when we were together
well, that's not happening again,
that was back then
and now i'm interested in smarter, employed men

no booty calls!
deck.
no booty calls!
that's not happening
no booty calls, deck, sorry
oh, come on, baby! you know i treat you right
no, don't interrupt me, no booty calls!
oh, we back on that again!
yeah, we are, because i don't want one
don't you want to check out my new stereo?
i don't think so
i know you'll like it
whatever
come on, baby, come over
no, this phone conversation's over.