You'll Only End Up Joining

Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock
I'm pressing flesh, I'm smiling big
My spinning head sings: Stop, just stop
'Cause what used to calm me down
Just rips my life to ribbons now

So I keep smiling, I find my window and quick cut out
These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick
My sleeping mind could map it blind
A flask, a key, a bag, a fifth

I try to will myself away while shouting
Habits plead their case
So when the Sun seers through my eyes
A beggar's brain can't compromise

I splash cold water, I draw the curtains
I stay inside and I can't say that it's a sickness
More like a stranger I ask in and later realize
It was a strangler slipping nooses in my den

But I was lonely, so I asked him
Could you tie that one on me?
It wasn't his fault
I was eager and I was weak

So as I inched towards resolution
Yeah, I'm not sure which life feels right
No narrow noose or the wading water
Will hang in hex or open eyes

I know my brother, he went one way
And at the fork I heard him say
Don't you follow, don't go making my mistakes
And I realized what he meant
Don't kill yourself to raise the dead, it never works
You'll only end up joining them, it never works
You'll only end up joining them