Dependence

sometimes it feels like
i'm wasting away
in this life

i've taken a hand full of pills
but i'm still here
and i don't know why

i wish that i could say
i'd like to think that
it means i'll find my purpose someday

and i've been cheated on
i've been turned into dust
i've been stomped so hard by deception and mistrust

but i'm still alive and my heart is beating
and i know that every love i've encountered
is fleeting

and every time i crack that seal
the bottles opened and i feel
that i've found a release

like it is something
that was specifically
made for me

i know it's not but i like to pretend
i love the idea
that i'm slowly putting my life to an end

and i have dreams with people and situations
i awake screaming some nights
i wonder if it's from all the complications

i'm finding comfort in being alone
it's by far the most prominent feeling
that i've ever known

if i talk to just one stranger a day
it's too much for me
i'd rather stay away

alone in my room
with my music and cold
i love it so much it never seems old

but when a beaming light of a girl appears
all that desolation
turns into fear

and i can't help but feel lost when i find
someone that makes me
completely lose my mind

fearing loneliness i latch onto love
but instead i should flee
like a single white dove

there's no way to replace my mistakes
they continually happen
and eventually replicate

and i drink myself right into the ground
when i've lost
whatever treasure i think i have found

so i try to bury
these thoughts
on paper

but a stiff drink
always
seems safer