Failure With Girls

F#               A
I've got an ugly face,
     E                  B
With spots all over the place,
F#                A
I haven't got any mates,
E                        B
And me clothes have gone out of date.
F#                    A
I go to the pub on me own,
      E                 B
And I drink me orange alone,
F#                     A
I sit and stare at the crack,
    E         B
But they just turn their backs,

  G#                C#
I want to chat them up,
      F#          B
But I stare at me feet,
    G#        C#         F#      B
And then I go home and I beat me meat,
G#       C#            F#         B
I'm dead shy about the size of me dick,
D
And chips and gravy make me sick,

Continues after the ad
F#                 E                  C#
I'm a failure with girls I don't know why,
C#                  B                   F#
He's a failure with girls He don't know why,
F#                 E                  C#
I'm a failure with girls They're so unkind,
C#                  B                F#
He's a failure with girls They're so unkind,
F#                 E                  C#
I'm a failure with girls They make me cry,
C#                  B                    F#
He's a failure with girls They make hI'm cry,
F#                E                 B
Only wish I could say that I don't mind.

F#                          A
A Macc Lad said "Sonny take note",
       E                               B
And he poured a pint of bitter down me throat,
            F#                A
It were the first pint I ever had,
      E            B
And I changed to a real Macc Lad,
   F#                           A
Me clothes started looking dead flash,
        E                 B
I got a tattoo and a moustache,
       F#                  A
And me car got a go-faster stripe,
    E                B
And now I pull crack every night,

     C#     F#        B
And I'm not weak anymore,
         C#            F#         B
Cause me dick measures three foot four,
   C#        F#       B
So don't you call me wimp,
           G#                   C#
Cause it's three foot four even when it's limp.

F#                  E             C#
I'm dead macho with girls I never fail,
C#                   B               F#
He's dead macho with girls he nevers fails,
F#                  E                 C#
I'm dead macho with girls cause I sup ale,
C#                   B                   F#
He's dead macho with girls cause he sups ale,
F#                  E                  C#
I'm dead macho with girls thanks to E. Lees,
C#                   B                  F#
He's dead macho with girls thanks to E. Lees,
F#               E           B
Only wish that I didn't have VD.