Failure With Girls

F#               A
I've got an ugly face,
     E                  B
With spots all over the place,
F#                A
I haven't got any mates,
E                        B
And me clothes have gone out of 
date.
F#                    A
I go to the pub on me own,
      E                 B
And I drink me orange alone,
F#                     A
I sit and stare at the crack,
    E         B
But they just turn their backs,

  G#                C#
I want to chat them up,
      F#          B
But I stare at me feet,
    G#        C#         F#      
And then I go home and I beat me 
B
meat,
G#       C#            F#        
I'm dead shy about the size of me 
 B
dick,
D
And chips and gravy make me sick,

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F#                 E             
I'm a failure with girls I don't 
     C#
know why,
C#                  B            
He's a failure with girls He 
       F#
don't know why,
F#                 E             
I'm a failure with girls They're 
     C#
so unkind,
C#                  B            
He's a failure with girls They're
    F#
 so unkind,
F#                 E             
I'm a failure with girls They 
     C#
make me cry,
C#                  B            
He's a failure with girls They 
        F#
make hI'm cry,
F#                E              
Only wish I could say that I 
   B
don't mind.

F#                          A
A Macc Lad said "Sonny take note",
       E                           
And he poured a pint of bitter down
    B
 me throat,
            F#                A
It were the first pint I ever had,
      E            B
And I changed to a real Macc Lad,
   F#                          
Me clothes started looking dead 
 A
flash,
        E                 B
I got a tattoo and a moustache,
       F#                  A
And me car got a go-faster stripe,
    E                B
And now I pull crack every night,

     C#     F#        B
And I'm not weak anymore,
         C#            F#         
Cause me dick measures three foot 
B
four,
   C#        F#       B
So don't you call me wimp,
           G#                   C#
Cause it's three foot four even when
 it's limp.

F#                  E             
I'm dead macho with girls I never 
C#
fail,
C#                   B           
He's dead macho with girls he 
    F#
nevers fails,
F#                  E            
I'm dead macho with girls cause I
     C#
 sup ale,
C#                   B           
He's dead macho with girls cause 
        F#
he sups ale,
F#                  E            
I'm dead macho with girls thanks 
      C#
to E. Lees,
C#                   B           
He's dead macho with girls thanks
       F#
 to E. Lees,
F#               E           B
Only wish that I didn't have VD.