Ruined Me

I made promises I couldn't keep
When I really should've been asleep
And you will always hold those against me
You knew I couldn't handle this
But you didn't wanna lemme quit
As if you were entitled to me

I'd sit and listen to you ramble on
For hours, I would play along
Tryna be the best for you
Always bite my tongue and hold my breath
I'd build you up at my expense
Thought that's what I was supposed to do

Now I drive by you in the parking lot
Saw you and my heart stopped
And you wanna wave and say hi
Like everything's fine, but it's not
Foot is shaking on the pedal
Thought if I didn't think about it, somehow it would get better
But it's not better

Well, it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Do you know how bad you messed me up?
And I've been trying to find it in my heart
To forget about it and restart
But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me
You ruined me

Convince me that I need your help
Losing my faith, losing myself
You tell me that I don't know what I'm doing
Taking me down so low just to prove yourself
Doing things I didn't want to
'Cause I never wanna disappoint you
Second guessing everything that I think, everything that I do

Change your mind all the time, say something's fine
Then suddenly it's not alright, keep it all inside
You say you'd do anything to avoid a fight
I hope you know I gave you everything
I told you things, yeah, I let you in
I guess I did it all just for you to go and make a mess of me

Well, it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Do you know how bad you messed me up?
And I've been trying to find it in my heart
To forget about it and restart
But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me
You ruined me

See your face, hear your name, then you text me again
It's driving me crazy, I need this to end
Don't know what is real and what's just in my head
Try to move on, but I just can't forget
All the manipulations, all the game playing
All the blame, all the shame, miscommunications
The plans, all the schemes, the: What does he really mean's
Am I crazy? Am I stupid? Is it true what he thinks?
Is it true what he thinks of me?
Is it true what he says about me?
Am I so terrible? Am I crazy?

Well, it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Can we forget that we were ever in love
'Cause I can't look at another guy
Without feeling terrified
I've started going back to therapy
'Cause you ruined me
You ruined me (you ruined me)
I'll never go back to being me
'Cause you ruined me