Haircut

B7

[Part 1]
Em
You ought to get your hair cut, it's
 getting awfully hippy-like
    A7
The barber closes soon, you better 
make it zippy
D                            C
Like a cheetah sporting some Adidas 
so you
G        C       D      G      
Run from here to there, as the 
C          Am           D
wind blows through your hair
C            Cmaj7
Suddenly you stop
G                     Am
Perhaps you like your mop
             D                    
Now we gotta know, do you chop it 
B
off [go to 2.1]
          Em        G      A      
Or do you scoff and let it grow? [go
B7
 to 2.2]

[Part 2.1]
Em
You run into the store, and meet 
with Mr Barber
       A7
As he starts to cut your hair, the 
fellow seems to harbour
   D                     C
An improper eagerness to chop your 
ears off
G     C        D          G     
Suddenly those dull, dull 
   C     Am      D
scissors jam into your skull
    C               Cmaj7
The man says oopsie-daisy
    G                 Am
Sometimes my hands go crazy
                D
Blood begins to spout
                     B
Do you go to the hospital [go to 
3.1]
          Em       G        A    
Or try to pull the scissors out? 
   B7
[go to 3.2]

[Part 2.2]
    Em
You stick it to the man that, don't 
cut your hair don't even shave
    A7
For you are now a hippie! You find 
yourself a sign to wave
    D                       
And protest fighting for the 
 C
oppressed people
G  C        D      G       C   
Animals and trees, but the 
   Am  D
system disagrees!
C           Cmaj7
Violence is transpiring
G             Am
Cops are open firing
           D
Riots all around
            B
Do you run away [go to 3.3]
          Em       G         A   
Or do you stay and hold your 
      B7
ground? [go to 3.4]

[Part 3.1]
Em
You run right out the door, and over
 to the hospital
A7
Into the waiting room, which looks 
just like a moshpit
        D                          
Full of bleeders flipping through a
 C
 readers' digest
G         C     D       G       
You queue up in line, behind 
  C       Am        D
some guy who broke his spine
C            Cmaj7
Later in the story
     G              Am
Your doctor is Hugh Laurie
               D
Well you gotta laugh
                   B
Should he fix your head [go to 4.1]
              Em      G    A     
Or should you get his autograph? 
   B7
[go to 4.2]

[Part 3.2]
Em
You firmly yank the scissors, 
they're stuck no matter how you 
strain
A7
But now you're feeling tingly, it 
seems their pressence in your brain
  D                 C
Releases your telekinesis powers
G      C    D    G       C     
If you so desire objects float 
   Am       D
or catch on fire
C              Cmaj7
This psychic potential
G                Am
Could prove consequential
                  D
Eh, well what the hell.
               B
Now you wonder should
                        Em
You use your powers for good [go to 
4.3]
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   G     A      B7
Or for evil? [go to 4.4]

[Part 3.3]
Em
You shriek and run away, like a 
little pansy
A7
And you move into the woods, to live
 like a chimpanzee
        D                       C
Back to nature but you find you hate
 your neighbours
G      C       D      G         
Mostly its the bears, can't they
 C          Am     D
 mind their own affairs?
C                 Cmaj7
They've got you surrounded
G                   Am
Now you're quite confounded
              D
What is this about?
              B
Do you try to fight [go to 4.5]
           Em    G           A   
Or just politely talk things out?
   B7
 [go to 4.6]

[Part 3.4]
Em
You make it through the riots, the 
public wants your story told
A7
So you write a book, the sales come 
in low and behold
     D                       C
It's caught on earning you a spot on
 Oprah
G        C          D      G   
She just smiles and winks. 
       C         Am      D
Looks like she's had several 
drinks...
C                    Cmaj7
Half way through the show
G              Am
Oprah lets you know
                  D
She must have you now
                       B
Do you slap her in the face [go to 
4.7]
          Em        G          A 
Or do you bow chickachicka wow 
       B7
wow? [go to 4.8]

[Part 4.1]
Em                             A7
Hugh Laurie starts to scream, "we 
have to operate!"
   D                            C
He calls upon his team, there's no 
time to sedate
G    C   Am  C    D      G  C 
With his charming smirk, he 
 Am  G  Am C  D
begins to go to work
            C             Cmaj7
But there's one forgotten factor:
     G                 Am
Hugh Laurie's just an actor
               D
Turns out he's insane
                     B
Thanks to him you're dead
                  Em       G       
He opened up your head and then he 
Asus    Cmaj7     G
ran off with your brain
Yeah?!

[Part 4.2]
Em                          A7
"Would you be so kind?" You timidly 
request
 D                       C
"If you wouldn't mind to autograph 
your breast."
G  C   Am    C    D      G    
Laurie signs with grace, then 
C  Am    G Am C  D
he draws a happy face
C                Cmaj7
Quickly with no delay
G                 Am
You put it up on ebay
            D
But to no success
                   B
Your auction gets removed
               Em       G         
Ebay says that you violated their 
  Asus     Cmaj7  G
terms of service
Oh no.

[Part 4.3]
Em                       A7
You spend all your time, even Friday
 nights
D                    C
Beating up on crime, wearing spandex
 tights
    G  C Am    C D    G  C   
Now everyone's a fan, of the 
Am  G   Am  C   D
psychic scissor man
C                 Cmaj7
Now you're making millions
  G            Am
Defeating supervillains
                D
But beneath the fame
                B
And beneath the cape
            Em       G         
There is no escaping from your 
Asus Cmaj7 G
se - cret  shame
Shame

[Part 4.4]
Em                  A7
Quickly you embark, on a trail of 
hate
D                     C
Creeping in the dark, twisting 
mankind's fate
        G     C       Am C    D
Now the whole world's in your palms
G C Am   G   Am C D
Activate the atom bombs
C               Cmaj7
Several seconds after
G            Am           
You erupt in laughter, quite 
           D
maniacally
          B            Em    G    
Ha haha haha ha haha haha ha ha ha
 Asus  Cmaj7  G
 ha ha ha hee hee

[Part 4.5]
Em                        A7
You're prepared to fight. The 
wretched beasts attack
     D                          C
They bear their teeth and bite, but 
you bite them back
G    C      Am     C    D
Soon you've killed them all.
G   C   Am  G     Am   C   D
All but one who's much too small
    C                  Cmaj7
And since you're not a brute
    G                   Am
And since that cub's so cute
                   D
You adopt him as a son
                   B
Then that bear and you
          Em    G         Asus 
Realise a new adventure's just 
Cmaj7  G
begun
Yeah!

[Part 4.6]
Em                     A7
So you ask them why we can't just 
get along
D                    C
And the bears reply "You've got us 
all wrong"
 G  C    Am   C  D      G    C
"We come from up there! From a
 Am    G      Am C   D
 place called Planet Bear"
C                  Cmaj7
On their ship they take you
G                 Am             
To their home and make you King 
          D
of all the bears
                   B               
And that seals the deal, proving 
     Em
God is real
    G       Asus     Cmaj7   G
And that he listened to your prayer
Amen

[Part 4.7]
Em                     A7
You slap Oprah's face, at once her 
loyal staff
D
Start spraying you with Mace
    C
And Oprah starts to laugh
G  C   Am C D
As the audience
G C Am    G   Am C D
Overtakes you in defence
C               Cmaj7
Of their lovely hostess
G               Am
Now your ass is toast yes
              D
Sorry my dear friend
                   B
Guess you're gonna die
                   Em    G        
You better say goodbye because 
  Asus Cmaj7  G
this is  the  end
You suck

[Part 8]
Em                      A7
You and Oprah kiss, the audience 
goes wild
D                  C
Voyeuristic bliss, suddenly you're 
piled
G  C   Am C   D
On the studio floor
G   C  Am     G  Am  C   D
Now it starts to get hardcore
C           Cmaj7
On live television
G             Am
Passionate collision
           D               B
Evidential love, genuine romance
                Em          G     
Maybe there's a chance that you 
  Asus  Cmaj7  G
and Oprah are in love