B7
[Part 1]
Em
You ought to get your hair cut, it's getting awfully hippy-like
A7
The barber closes soon, you better make it zippy
DC
Like a cheetah sporting some Adidas so you
GCDGCAmD
Run from here to there, as the wind blows through your hair
CCmaj7
Suddenly you stop
GAm
Perhaps you like your mop
DB
Now we gotta know, do you chop it off [go to 2.1]
EmGAB7
Or do you scoff and let it grow? [go to 2.2]
[Part 2.1]
Em
You run into the store, and meet with Mr Barber
A7
As he starts to cut your hair, the fellow seems to harbour
DC
An improper eagerness to chop your ears off
GCDGCAmD
Suddenly those dull, dull scissors jam into your skull
CCmaj7
The man says oopsie-daisy
GAm
Sometimes my hands go crazy
D
Blood begins to spout
B
Do you go to the hospital [go to 3.1]
EmGAB7
Or try to pull the scissors out? [go to 3.2]
[Part 2.2]
Em
You stick it to the man that, don't cut your hair don't even shave
A7
For you are now a hippie! You find yourself a sign to wave
DC
And protest fighting for the oppressed people
GCDGCAmD
Animals and trees, but the system disagrees!
CCmaj7
Violence is transpiring
GAm
Cops are open firing
D
Riots all around
B
Do you run away [go to 3.3]
EmGAB7
Or do you stay and hold your ground? [go to 3.4]
[Part 3.1]
Em
You run right out the door, and over to the hospital
A7
Into the waiting room, which looks just like a moshpit
DC
Full of bleeders flipping through a readers' digest
GCDGCAmD
You queue up in line, behind some guy who broke his spine
CCmaj7
Later in the story
GAm
Your doctor is Hugh Laurie
D
Well you gotta laugh
B
Should he fix your head [go to 4.1]
EmGAB7
Or should you get his autograph? [go to 4.2]
[Part 3.2]
Em
You firmly yank the scissors, they're stuck no matter how you strain
A7
But now you're feeling tingly, it seems their pressence in your brain
DC
Releases your telekinesis powers
GCDGCAmD
If you so desire objects float or catch on fire
CCmaj7
This psychic potential
GAm
Could prove consequential
D
Eh, well what the hell.
B
Now you wonder should
Em
You use your powers for good [go to 4.3]
GAB7
Or for evil? [go to 4.4]
[Part 3.3]
Em
You shriek and run away, like a little pansy
A7
And you move into the woods, to live like a chimpanzee
DC
Back to nature but you find you hate your neighbours
GCDGCAmD
Mostly its the bears, can't they mind their own affairs?
CCmaj7
They've got you surrounded
GAm
Now you're quite confounded
D
What is this about?
B
Do you try to fight [go to 4.5]
EmGAB7
Or just politely talk things out? [go to 4.6]
[Part 3.4]
Em
You make it through the riots, the public wants your story told
A7
So you write a book, the sales come in low and behold
DC
It's caught on earning you a spot on Oprah
GCDGCAmD
She just smiles and winks. Looks like she's had several drinks...
CCmaj7
Half way through the show
GAm
Oprah lets you know
D
She must have you now
B
Do you slap her in the face [go to 4.7]
EmGAB7
Or do you bow chickachicka wow wow? [go to 4.8]
[Part 4.1]
EmA7
Hugh Laurie starts to scream, "we have to operate!"
DC
He calls upon his team, there's no time to sedate
GCAmCDGCAmGAmCD
With his charming smirk, he begins to go to work
CCmaj7
But there's one forgotten factor:
GAm
Hugh Laurie's just an actor
D
Turns out he's insane
B
Thanks to him you're dead
EmGAsusCmaj7G
He opened up your head and then he ran off with your brain
Yeah?!
[Part 4.2]
EmA7
"Would you be so kind?" You timidly request
DC
"If you wouldn't mind to autograph your breast."
GCAmCDGCAmGAmCD
Laurie signs with grace, then he draws a happy face
CCmaj7
Quickly with no delay
GAm
You put it up on ebay
D
But to no success
B
Your auction gets removed
EmGAsusCmaj7G
Ebay says that you violated their terms of service
Oh no.
[Part 4.3]
EmA7
You spend all your time, even Friday nights
DC
Beating up on crime, wearing spandex tights
GCAmCDGCAmGAmCD
Now everyone's a fan, of the psychic scissor man
CCmaj7
Now you're making millions
GAm
Defeating supervillains
D
But beneath the fame
B
And beneath the cape
EmGAsusCmaj7G
There is no escaping from your se - cret shame
Shame
[Part 4.4]
EmA7
Quickly you embark, on a trail of hate
DC
Creeping in the dark, twisting mankind's fate
GCAmCD
Now the whole world's in your palms
GCAmGAmCD
Activate the atom bombs
CCmaj7
Several seconds after
GAmD
You erupt in laughter, quite maniacally
BEmGAsusCmaj7G
Ha haha haha ha haha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee
[Part 4.5]
EmA7
You're prepared to fight. The wretched beasts attack
DC
They bear their teeth and bite, but you bite them back
GCAmCD
Soon you've killed them all.
GCAmGAmCD
All but one who's much too small
CCmaj7
And since you're not a brute
GAm
And since that cub's so cute
D
You adopt him as a son
B
Then that bear and you
EmGAsusCmaj7G
Realise a new adventure's just begun
Yeah!
[Part 4.6]
EmA7
So you ask them why we can't just get along
DC
And the bears reply "You've got us all wrong"
GCAmCDGCAmGAmCD
"We come from up there! From a place called Planet Bear"
CCmaj7
On their ship they take you
GAmD
To their home and make you King of all the bears
BEm
And that seals the deal, proving God is real
GAsusCmaj7G
And that he listened to your prayer
Amen
[Part 4.7]
EmA7
You slap Oprah's face, at once her loyal staff
D
Start spraying you with Mace
C
And Oprah starts to laugh
GCAmCD
As the audience
GCAmGAmCD
Overtakes you in defence
CCmaj7
Of their lovely hostess
GAm
Now your ass is toast yes
D
Sorry my dear friend
B
Guess you're gonna die
EmGAsusCmaj7G
You better say goodbye because this is the end
You suck
[Part 8]
EmA7
You and Oprah kiss, the audience goes wild
DC
Voyeuristic bliss, suddenly you're piled
GCAmCD
On the studio floor
GCAmGAmCD
Now it starts to get hardcore
CCmaj7
On live television
GAm
Passionate collision
DB
Evidential love, genuine romance
EmGAsusCmaj7G
Maybe there's a chance that you and Oprah are in love