Bashing The Balrog

      Am                             C
It is always quite foolhardy for a young and ill-trained party
   D                          E
To gather at a tavern and to say
        Am                F
We have had it with our teachers.
          G                 E
Let’s go off and kill some creatures,
     Am             G       E    Am
And find a ton of gold to haul away.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that is called bashing the balrog.
        Am                     E
And the people who long to attack
         C                           G
Think, once they have bashed on the balrog,
     F           E             Am
The balrog will not bash them back.

[Verse 2]

      Am                             C
It is equally foolhardy for that armed and eager party
   D                             E
To win one lucky battle and feel sure,
        Am              F
We have polished off a goblin,
        G                E
But he left our fighter hobblin’.
     Am             G      E     Am
Perhaps this magic potion is the cure.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that can make bashing the balrog
    Am                     E
Too much for the cleric and elf,
      C                           G
Who find, when they’re facing the balrog,
            F          E          Am
That their fighter is not quite himself.

[Verse 3]

      Am                             C
It is even more foolhardy for the changed and weakened party
   D                                E
To stare back at the balrog and to say
        Am              F
We can zap and we can bite you.
        G                E
We are quite prepared to fight you.
     Am              G          E    Am
We suggest you turn around and fly away.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that’s called insulting the balrog,
    Am                     E
For balrogs aren’t easy to bluff.
      C                      G
They know, with a competent balrog,
    F       E          Am
No army is half strong enough.

[Verse 4]

          Am                          C
And it’s just a bit too tardy when a member of the party
   D                           E
Succeeds at his IQ roll and exclaims
        Am              F
Try a Light spell or Entangle
        G              E
While I get a better angle,
     Am              G         E      Am
For I think I know a way to douse his flames.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that is called fleeing the balrog,
    Am                     E
And those who are wiser agree:
      C                        G
While comrades are bashing the balrog,
      F        E          Am
It’s safest to go climb a tree.

[Verse 5]

       Am                          C
It is almost as foolhardy for the others in the party
   D                                    E
To bravely join the fray with spell and sword.
        Am              F
It has no chance of destroying.
        G              E
At the worst you’ll be annoying,
     Am                     G         E       Am
And at best you’ll keep the foe from being bored.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that is called bashing the balrog.
    Am                     E
But should any witness survive,
      C                               G
He’ll see, once you’ve bashed on the balrog,
      F         E         Am
The balrog will skin you alive.

[Verse 6]

       Am                           C
So no matter just how hardy be the fools within your party,
       D                               E
And no matter just how lucrative your aim,
        Am        F
If it ever is suggested
        G           E
You can get by unmolested,
     Am                       G      E     Am
You should rise and pound the table and exclaim,

[Chorus]

 G    C                    G
We never can win against balrogs,
    Am                     E
However the dice might be tossed.
         C                       G
For the rules of this game are obscure and arcane,
         F          E           Am          E
And the party that plays it is lost, lost, lost!
         F          E           Am
And the party that plays it is lost!