Bashing The Balrog

      Am                           
It is always quite foolhardy for a 
  C
young and ill-trained party
   D                          E
To gather at a tavern and to say
        Am                F
We have had it with our teachers.
          G               
Let’s go off and kill some 
  E
creatures,
     Am             G       E    Am
And find a ton of gold to haul away.

[Chorus]

 G    C                      
And that is called bashing the 
   G
balrog.
        Am                     E
And the people who long to attack
         C                         
Think, once they have bashed on the
  G
 balrog,
     F           E             Am
The balrog will not bash them back.

[Verse 2]

      Am                        
It is equally foolhardy for that 
     C
armed and eager party
   D                            
To win one lucky battle and feel 
 E
sure,
        Am              F
We have polished off a goblin,
        G                E
But he left our fighter hobblin’.
     Am             G      E     
Perhaps this magic potion is the 
Am
cure.

[Chorus]

 G    C                         G
And that can make bashing the balrog
    Am                     E
Too much for the cleric and elf,
      C                           
Who find, when they’re facing the 
G
balrog,
            F          E      
That their fighter is not quite 
    Am
himself.

[Verse 3]

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      Am                         
It is even more foolhardy for the 
    C
changed and weakened party
   D                               
To stare back at the balrog and to 
 E
say
        Am              F
We can zap and we can bite you.
        G                E
We are quite prepared to fight you.
     Am              G          E
We suggest you turn around and 
    Am
fly away.

[Chorus]

 G    C                       
And that’s called insulting the 
  G
balrog,
    Am                     E
For balrogs aren’t easy to bluff.
      C                      G
They know, with a competent balrog,
    F       E          Am
No army is half strong enough.

[Verse 4]

          Am                       
And it’s just a bit too tardy when 
   C
a member of the party
   D                           E
Succeeds at his IQ roll and exclaims
        Am              F
Try a Light spell or Entangle
        G              E
While I get a better angle,
     Am              G         E 
For I think I know a way to douse
     Am
 his flames.

[Chorus]

 G    C                      
And that is called fleeing the 
   G
balrog,
    Am                     E
And those who are wiser agree:
      C                       
While comrades are bashing the 
 G
balrog,
      F        E          Am
It’s safest to go climb a tree.

[Verse 5]

       Am                        
It is almost as foolhardy for the 
  C
others in the party
   D                               
To bravely join the fray with spell
     E
 and sword.
        Am              F
It has no chance of destroying.
        G              E
At the worst you’ll be annoying,
     Am                     G     
And at best you’ll keep the foe 
    E       Am
from being bored.

[Chorus]

 G    C                      
And that is called bashing the 
   G
balrog.
    Am                     E
But should any witness survive,
      C                            
He’ll see, once you’ve bashed on 
   G
the balrog,
      F         E         Am
The balrog will skin you alive.

[Verse 6]

       Am                          
So no matter just how hardy be the 
 C
fools within your party,
       D                        
And no matter just how lucrative 
       E
your aim,
        Am        F
If it ever is suggested
        G           E
You can get by unmolested,
     Am                       G   
You should rise and pound the 
   E     Am
table and exclaim,

[Chorus]

 G    C                    G
We never can win against balrogs,
    Am                     E
However the dice might be tossed.
         C                    
For the rules of this game are 
   G
obscure and arcane,
         F          E           
And the party that plays it is 
Am          E
lost, lost, lost!
         F          E           Am
And the party that plays it is lost!