Hardest Song Ever

Father worked nights, mother all day
There were no gripes, we would all pray
We were close knit, it was so strict
Well, in most folks, that was O.K.
I was so young, pre-first grade
Them condone me alone, it was no way
But when it overlapped, it left an open gap
Call a babysitter, time to go play
And she was young too, and it was fun too
Get away from her home, so she would come through
Out to a neighbor's house, they had the favorite couch
That everybody loved, and we would run to
But it was uncool, what we would succumb to
The shit we did see, becoming numb to
This wasn't untrue, what no one knew
The shit that she would do to me, nothing else could undo
Young and unaware, dealing with the strain
There's no reason to lie, cause there's nothing to gain
She told me "strip down, no need to feel ashamed"
She brought another child, she said "let's play a game"
My stomach's in a twist, what you expect? Shit
I'm barely 5 or 6, I don't know what sex is
I'm giving y'all the truth so I can set it right
This is the hardest song I had to ever write

All that lays, locked in me
Wasn't mine to hold on to
(The hardest song I could ever write)
And though it plagues a part of me
Don't want to leave, but I got to
(The hardest song I could ever write)

And the memory, I suppressed it,
Depression is what's pressing, that's what the stress did
I pushed away any woman I could connect with
That's the shit you do when you deal with being molested
Infested with impatience I started aching
Hatred and deep guilt was the deadliest combination
Am I scarred, am I flawed, am I gay then?
I've always loved women, that can't be the explanation
How do I take the rage, bury it deep inside
Cover it with a smile, but eventually it will rise
Eventually it will tie a knot in your soul and boast
Then you just end up hurting the people you love the most
Fuck it! I let it fly, nothing to set aside
It's nothing for me to lose, I'm already dead inside
Already said my peace a piece of me fled in spite
Let's set it right! This the hardest shit I'mma ever write

All that lays, locked in me
Wasn't mine to hold on to
(The hardest song I could ever write)
And though it plagues a part of me
Don't want to leave but I got to x2
(The hardest song I could ever write)

We are the victim of school teachers and cool preachers
Youth coaches and catholic priest that do breach us
And violated our innocence from within
Now, that I'm grown, I know that it pro'ly happened to them
A cycle of sickness where the only eyewitness
Is so terrified, they rather lie than admit this
Or rather omit this, and deal with the strain too
But your never truly free until you put this in plain view
And I know it's like the hardest thing in the world to do
But if you don't, then the person who did it controls you, and owns you
But I got my chance to set it right
This the hardest song I could ever write

All that lays, locked in me
Wasn't mine to hold on to
(The hardest song I could ever write)
And though it plagues a part of me
Don't want to leave but I got to
(The hardest song I could ever write)