The Abyss

Everything I did always gave my best
I don't know if anybody relates but the feeling I get it's like a truck sitting on my chest
Wondering how much do I got left?
My last call, my last step
I'm not gonna win just to see what's next
I go hard cause today could be my last breath

We do life and we can't relive it
We only get one chance if you blink then you might just miss it
Many people come and go, they all just visit
Don't ever expect none different
Just listen as I pave this image that y'all revisit
Yeah my glass half empty but I still might sip it

But I was traumatized
What would you have said when you was looking in my mama's eyes? Nothing
Yeah I might have said that I was okay but I probably lied
So this pain is how I harmonize
Making an impact that's what I personify
Guess I'm making music that you cannot just define by the numbers on my Spotify

All of this pain I just wanna be happy
Mom almost died the same day that she had me
Drove into the hospital she swerved and crashed badly
Doctor said I was a miracle while looking at my daddy
I was zero when I first dodged death
I was six when the devil told me to watch my step
Couldn't sleep, I was scared to go inside my bed
Fighting demons, I was hearing things inside my head

So back to the doctor, he didn't have a diagnosis
So my whole damn life I felt lost while fighting psychosis
Talking to myself hopping nobody would notice
Mom said pray every time I heard the voices
Life or death, everyday I swear I made choices
Knife in my hand trying not to lose focus
Playing basketball religiously to drown out the noise
Let me explain that it's like laying on train tracks
Grabbing guns contemplating blowing your brain bags
Eyes close shut watching everything fade black
People stepping over you, you feel like a placemat, fuck
And let me make it clear, God is the only one I've ever feared
But you start to get paranoid and look over your shoulder
When these people have been hurting you for so many years
So I had to escape, if you're listening I know that you relate
It's that feeling that you get like your life and existence was all just one big mistake
I felt trapped and I couldn't find space
I went and got lost in the things that I create
Ever since I was a kid, people hated and they judged everything that I did
So I went into my mind and created the abyss

Man I swear I did!
How the hell y'all think I make these hits?
It's cause I've been broken, beaten, dragged, laughed at, scorned, burned and kicked
So I get to reach in this endless pit of hurt and pain from all that shit
And that's the only reason that you people come here or for God's sake even know that Dax exists
This how it feels to drown, this is how it looks when you lost and you can't be found
The abyss was a place I'd visit but I went so much that I'm going and I'm stuck here now
This is not music this is not dope
This is me begging y'all to throw me a rope
So I keep tryna climb up the place that came in my life when I spiraled and first lost hope

Let me explain
I've been Dax so long I get PTSD when somebody says real name
But I guess that's the price you pay
I didn't want it to be like this but I guess it is what it is
Inside The Abyss