I Feel Like a Milkshake

She wore an apron that was covered in gravy stains
She had a little green book and she had varicose veins
I was tired, I was hungry, I was ready to snap
She dropped the steaming gumbo right in my lap

I was alone otherwise I would have trashed the place
But I was soothed by the Muzak and a beautiful face
The meat was chewy and the chicken was bland
I'm not a gannet, but she had me eatin' out of her hand

And I feel, and I feel
And I feel like a milkshake
I never ordered a slice of life à la mode
What I need is an earthquake
I could hide in the crack in the road
But I feel like a milkshake
(Ooh, like a milkshake)

She started sponging my pants, it really tickled
She took my plate and sank her teeth into my pickle
She sat down on my lap and started picking my teeth
She was naked as a baby underneath

We were lost in a dream on a bed of fluffy rice
When I was grabbed by the chef, he had a grip like a vise
He had gold medallions and a hairy chest
I gave him back his wife, but he was still depressed

And I feel, and I feel
And I feel like a milkshake
I never ordered a slice of life à la mode
What I need is an earthquake
I could hide in the crack in the road
But I feel like a milkshake
(Ooh, like a milkshake)

I tipped heavy so they wouldn't think the English are mean
I saw a ground beef patty hit the coffee machine
I could tell this gorilla was the moody kind
I could have used a doggy bag, but I changed my mind

One of these hungry days when my luck runs dry
I'm gonna meet that Great Soda Jerk in the sky
Setting the heavenly blender for the final frappé
He'll wipe the fudge from his beard and then he'll probably say

Do you feel, do you feel
Do you feel like a milkshake
At the end of your slice of life à la mode?
We could split a devil's food cake
But the man with the van never showed
So we'll both have a milkshake
(Ooh, have a milkshake, ooh, have a milkshake)
(Ooh, have a milkshake)