Thirty
I never thought I'd end up here
Staring at these walls
Feeling something I can't name
Thirty
The taste of this year
So bittersweet
With a hint of madness in it
And I'm thirty, standing in the wreckage
Of the boy I used to be
Some dreams survived the damage
Some just learned how to bleed
If growing up means letting go
Then tell me what I get to keep
'Cause I'm thirty, and I'm trying
But I still miss twenty-three
Thirty
Candles burn like quiet threats
I smile for photos I don't feel
Everyone says I look stronger now
But healing doesn't always look like peace
Thirty
I learned how to stay
But not how to rest
I learned how to love
And how to expect less
And I'm thirty, standing in the wreckage
Of the boy I used to be
Some dreams survived the damage
Some just learned how to bleed
If growing up means letting go
Then tell me what I get to keep
'Cause I'm thirty, and I'm trying
But I still miss twenty-three
I thought I'd feel older
I thought I'd feel sure
But I just feel louder
About what I won't ignore
Thirty
I toast to lessons I didn't ask for
To names I don't say out loud
Some nights I miss who I was before
Before I knew how to break myself down
Thirty
They say time heals, yeah, maybe
But it also leaves receipts
And I've been paying interest
On every promise you couldn't keep